Reviews for Beta
Y. S. Wong chapter 19 . 12/22/2014
Well, I'm finally making my way through a bunch of updates I'd been meaning to read. This one is dated 1/24/14. u

Tina walking through Link's memories reminds me of the Pensieve from HP, lol.

I would have expected uncovering that particularly ghastly memory would have been... more traumatizing for both Tina and Link than it was, though.

Lol. Retconned the characters' ages, I see. Seeing the author's note at the end of this makes me even sadder given what the next "chapter" says. Ah, well. Hope all is well, King. We miss you.
Chiisutofupuru chapter 20 . 3/25/2014
Bugger, that sucks, but I understand.
Another story to take off of my alerts list :(
Fierce Ookami chapter 19 . 2/16/2014
it was certainly an interesting chapter. keep it up!
Chiisutofupuru chapter 19 . 1/21/2014
(I should maybe read back a bit. I'm wondering why and how Link changed so suddenly... I may have missed something.)

Anyway, good to see you're back to writing 'Beta'. I was beginning to wonder when you'd continue this great story!

Seems legit, changing the ages of the characters makes sense. I may have done that too in my story a few times so no complaints here.

Princess Asaria chapter 1 . 12/8/2013
What seemed a normal beginning soon erupted into glorious and random chaos ;)

Let's start with what I loved. First of all. I love Asa Mikami's name, for obvious reasons.

I also love the kind of relationships the characters have with each other.
Like in the beginning scene when the mom woke up from all the ruckus...the twins have a typical sibling relationship and they both have a tough but loving mom.
I can really see that just from the first scene. And there's nothing I love more than having good developed connections between characters.

Some things I noticed.
The sections where you stop with a line break then preceded to explain about the character in a third person omniscient prospective was a bit strange to me. I would have preferred to understand the character more dialogue, but that may be just me.

The plot seems really complicated with all the shingamis, ghosts, and monsters and Asa's strange water manipulating ability and me, being rather slow sometimes, gets confused sometimes but I'm sure my questions can be answered in later chapters.

Keep it up, King! :D Good job with this story! I'm looking forward to more!
Y. S. Wong chapter 18 . 11/16/2013
To continue my crusade against improper boldage, the bold at the beginning is distracting more than anything.

Okay, stop. I'm mere paragraphs in and this chapter is extremely sloppy. The typos aren't really improving and for every bit of really good prose you give us it gets ruined by ten times as many typos. You really ought to get this betaread or at least do some light proofreading before publishing.

Not really feeling a pedo principal, but meh.

Lol. Obligatory moe moe schoolgirls complimenting each other's fashion and brushing each other's hair.

I also noticed that you're peppering little bits of telling about the characters in between descriptions this chapter. Normally I'd be tingling head to toe with my telly senses, but I actually kinda like it. Adds dimension to the characters' actions.

On the other hand, too much telling in Lola and Shibaki's conversation about the latter's backstory. I get you're trying to develop her past there, but the execution comes off as feeling too contrived.

On the third hand, Asa and Mathys' conversation was executed a little bit better.

"The moonlight shined upon Tina, her breathes heavily and stare frighten by his sudden appearance." *tableflip* *burns sentence with fire*

Oooh, Link's back. Great cliffhanger, too. Makes me rage. (*w*)
Annabelle4.0 chapter 18 . 11/5/2013
I liked the new character introduced. You know, the maid. She sounds really interesting and it seems that she has a story of her own to tell, especially with her appearance. It's not really everyday that you see this kind of person walk down the street...

The principal's "type" really shocked me. I knew that she was young, possibly in her late twenties to early thirties, but not that "youthful." And to read that she is pretty much almost a pedophile... *shudders* You sure know how to make a person a certain way!

I noticed that you're missing a few words in a couple of sentences ("you would goth clothing" "you would wear goth clothing" and "so why did attack us" "so why did you attack us"). That's the only flaw I can find so far. :)

The twist with Mathys threw me off, but not that much. I had a feeling that there was a reason for why he does what he do, yet the whole rich family thing was completely unexpected. Good one! :)

DappledKarma chapter 1 . 11/3/2013
Ohmaigod. The way that ended: hilarious perfection.

So many mysteries. I'm liking Asa a lot already. She's my kind of female protagonist, and having ice powers is always plus. And then Grant... ah, a fellow otaku. You'd think he would think they were in anime, what with their blue and the tiger monster and all. Those siblings have good chemistry.
cmaej chapter 9 . 11/2/2013
LOL When did Mathys become a poet?

Dream about it? Uhh, you mean like wet dr- *shot*

Still not sign of Lola's Guardian. She could at least had a nickname!
cmaej chapter 8 . 11/1/2013
This whole time, I thought Asa was responsible for Grant's inability to summon his guardian. Grant's journey to retrieve him was unexpectedly suspenseful. Nice work.

The description of Grant's guardian remains me of Unknown from the Tekken series. Were you inspired by that?

I completely forgot that we haven't met Lola's guardian. I wonder why she's still ashamed, since Grant's guardian is considered an oddball, but got a warm welcoming, nonetheless.
Fierce Ookami chapter 18 . 10/31/2013
wow I didn't expect Mathys to be a rich kid. I like how you added a bit about Shibaki, Grant and Asa's past. great chapter! keep it up!

-Fierce Ookami
Chiisutofupuru chapter 18 . 10/31/2013
I thought Link killed his sister for her power, though I guess he'd need more of a reason for that I guess.

Mathys makes a little more sense now. There are quite a few rich people in this story aren't there? lol

Don't worry about the 'time' it takes you to update, just keep updating and don't stop till ur done. I don't know how many stories I have in my alert list that have been discontinued and wished they'd keep going...

Y. S. Wong chapter 17 . 10/16/2013
Hmm. Hmmm. Your descriptions are getting better too.

And D'AWWWWW Lola with the chocolate on her face. boomerheartface.

Typo: "...the building surrounded by trees which [lend] to forest in the back." Ought to be 'led.'

Btw, it's " everyone [except] for the government," not expect. I've seen you make this typo a couple times now so I'm not sure if it's just you typing the wrong word or not.

But sheesh, you would think it would be okay for Asa and the others to use their powers considering that Bill and his gang already know about witches anyway. What are a couple more freaks on top of that?

Pretty sweet with Asa using selective freezing against the gangsters though. Clever.

And another one: "Asa [duke] down and sent..." Ducked. Now I'm just betaing Beta, ohohohoho.

Lots of typos this chapter, beyond the ones I pointed out. But good chapter overall. Your writing's getting pretty good despite your own insistence it's not, just gotta watch out for all the typos. That ending though.
Clear World chapter 2 . 10/16/2013
My god, this story is like jumping time so fast. The time skip should have probably been the beginning through, seems to make more sense there and the things before it (excluding the evil scene) should probably be at the last chapter.

Anyways, so magical girls exist. Soooo sailor scouts in skimpy clothes :3

But back on track, my god this story is just charging fast in the beginning. It's like jump cutting to new scenes every few minutes (if put it in a show term). A few questions raised here and there, but... seems like it's chugging along finely.
Thundy chapter 1 . 10/16/2013
So like...I remember that you said this was a continuation of Shinigami Twin...which I haven't read yet q-q
I liked the start with the twins' conversation with each other
Gave us a scene that we could relate to (especially cuz I have a sibling)
Some things that you might need to fix...grammar errors...and the plot flow. Seemed kinda rushed later on xD
This is a nice start...interesting characters and all.
Wonder how things turn out next chapter xD
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