|Reviews for Beta
| Ereh chapter 7 . 4/28/2013
There you go again with your shameless plugs ahahaha!
That aside, a chapter all about training. We have that once in a while. XD
So based on what I understood here, the male ones are auto-beta while the female are just beta. Kinda sexist. Interesting to know that though. XD
| Ereh chapter 6 . 4/28/2013
Once again. Great action scenes. You're good at this.
LOL at the bad guy's sudden change after seeing Lola...bad guy tried to be Robin Hood eh?
Anyway, it was a nice chapter. The fight was awesome. That's all! XD
| Ereh chapter 5 . 4/28/2013
Things are starting to get interesting I must say. There a bunch of dialogues where I don't know who was talking though..
Anyway, your narration of the battle is nice. and the backstory interests me as well. Hopefully you can surprise me again with a good twist on that. XD
Also, I would like to see Grant being bad ass soon LOL.
| Y. S. Wong chapter 11 . 4/28/2013
Anndddd I'm caught up!
Nice plot development for Grant. Also explains his relative weakness earlier on.
To be honest, I thought the way you split up the flashback was unnecessarily complicated. It would've been better to just show it all in one go. Otherwise, an action-packed chapter as always.
| cmaej chapter 1 . 4/27/2013
Please forgive me if I am saying the same thing as the other reviews. I am avoiding reading the reviews to prevent myself from getting spoiled.
First off, the pace is a bit fast; a lot of things happened in a single chapter. There was no opportunity to get to know the characters. I would liked to know the reason why Asa can see ghosts, if there is an explanation. If either herself or Grant had gotten hurt by the tiger-monster, I'm not attached enough to have sympathy. I suggest working on character development to make the readers care about what will happen' especially since the premise isn't original. That's what get readers turning the page (or clicking the "Next" button).
The line breaks used give the full identity of the characters stops the flow of the story. Try to use the dialogue to cleverly give clues to who they are. Sometimes it's better save the best details of the characters for later. The fact that Asa's can see ghosts could have been saved right up until the monster attacked.
Another example is the shinigamis. I think they should have been identified as "strange swordsmen" since it was from Asa's point of view. You can then revealed that they are shinigamis later (when Commander Reida Yao shows up) to surprise the reader.
Don't get discouraged. Keep practicing and read other stories that have strong characters. Good luck.
| Benehime chapter 5 . 4/27/2013
I must say you have a ton of dialogue in your chapters, and occasionally it gets overwhelming. That might just be a sign for me to take a break haha, not used to reading chapter after chapter. Things are definitely starting to pick up!
| Benehime chapter 4 . 4/27/2013
Lots of action in this one; I really liked the introduction of Guardians. It really does pull away from the whole Bleach vibe your two stories spew out lol. I do believe, however, you're taking a bit too long introducing the elements of your story and important characters. Four chapters in and new people are still popping up. Not necessarily a bad thing, it just seems to drag on before we get to some actual good stuff. Anyway, I'm now excited to see what's going to happen. I do not like how Momo suddenly is trying to attack Grant for no apparent reason yet. At first I thought it was more comical, but she's really trying to kill the guy. Are there no staff members around or anything? Meh.
| Benehime chapter 3 . 4/27/2013
Good to see plot beginning to pick up. In terms of prose, you seem to be heading in a good direction. In terms of execution, however, I believe that could use a bit of work. You seem to be rather telly when it comes to dialogue. Take your first paragraph for example:
["N... No! Where is it?! Where is it?!" the unknown figure searched around, angered he couldn't find what he was looking for. "No! I... It can't be gone! Who could have done such a horrendous act?!" A thought appeared in the figure's mind. He gritted his teeth in anger. "T... Them! It's gotta be them! They are the only ones who could've done it! I'll get my revenge... that I swear! Or my name isn't... Kisuke the Great!"]
First off, your reader can infer a lot about a character's behavior and actions based off what they say. It's obvious he's searching for something, so to specify he's angered he can't find what he's looking for is pointless. This isn't the best of examples, but I didn't feel like going back through looking for some haha. The unnecessary padding adds up over the chapter and feels slightly choppy.
The only other complaint I have with this chapter is the events from when Kisuke is introduced to him finding his sword thing; nothing happens. There was a lot of dialogue and narration, but nothing important was going on during that time. It just stretched out the chapter and honestly I skipped down to the part Lola came in.
I see improvements all over the place in terms of plot. Execution could be better, but I'm sure you'll improve as you go along the story just as everyone does. I'll try to squeeze in as many chapters as possible before a new story club story is picked!
| Y. S. Wong chapter 10 . 4/27/2013
Jeez, Gin-sensei. What kind of English teacher comes in on his first day and gives a borderline Social Darwinist speech?
The description this chapter was really quite good. You did a great job setting the mood and I could really feel things start to get tense and icy as Gin spoke to Grant.
And lo and behold, Crazy Guy Link starts quoting Herbert Spencer. There's even a Holocaust reference afterwards! This chapter has it all, lol.
And... yeah, this really was a good chapter overall. You've done a great job slowly building up the tension so far with regard to the backstory behind Grant's scar and this is the chapter where all that patience starts to pay off. Throw in a crazy psychopath and this is one heck of a chapter.
| Y. S. Wong chapter 9 . 4/27/2013
"No idea, but it makes the scene more dramatic doesn't it?" I lol'd. Right on, Mathys!
Pretty straightforward chapter. A few laughs here and there, Grant learning to draw his Guardian out, more perverted jokes, and a major cliffhanger. Sounds delicious!
| Y. S. Wong chapter 8 . 4/27/2013
Yup, speculation CONFIRMED. Grant's Guardian is bad ass.
| Yuuenchi chapter 1 . 4/27/2013
Alright, having read up to chapter 11, I felt comfortable enough to return to the Prologue and offer my thoughts on your story. First of all, thank you very much for sharing your passion, ideas, and persistence with us.
Right away, there were several annoying misuses of English, (poor word-choice as opposed to typos) that struck sour or discordant notes, minor things that leave me arguing with you as author in my head,
The prologue has a different feel than than the rest of the story, at least it appears to be formatted differently.
Now, the siblings and their relationship is priceless (though, her constant calling attention to his perverseness gets a big old after three straight chapters), and an immediate hook. It seems like though they fight each other, they'll team up to fight together when one is in trouble. What good siblings they are.
One thing you really didn't explain though is why Grant can see the ghosts and monster only when he is in physical proximity to his sister (but this seems to change in later chapters)
What amazes me the most right now is how easygoing their mother is about the shape they're in.
All in all. I'm looking forward to the rest of the story
| Y. S. Wong chapter 7 . 4/26/2013
Lol, more Marko Tenkou. We have a new King of Shameless Plugs!
And here comes the inevitable training episode. Interesting to learn that there's a difference between men and women Betas.
| Y. S. Wong chapter 6 . 4/26/2013
A tsundere Guardian, eh? Oho.
And yup, this pretty much confirms that Grant's Guardian will be uber bad ass to make up for its lateness.
Sweet, more bad ass action. Woot!
I have come to the conclusion that all men in the world of Beta are perverts.
| Y. S. Wong chapter 5 . 4/26/2013
Interesting backstory developing here between Asa, Grant, and Shibaki.
I wonder what Grant's Guardian is? It must be bad ass if he sucks this much at drawing it out.