Reviews for Morphine
Mylilblackpen chapter 1 . 1/17/2013
A beautiful flow here; think I noticed a rhyme scheme here - not quite sure? I love the juxtaposition of pain and reliever (positive and negative) imagery, very clever and very good execution. I feel like the girl has a wall around her and the speaker is almost trying to climb over it. It's a nice poem and I liked how you made her to seem human with her feelings - it's vague but that works because it makes her seem like she has mixed and complex feelings which everyone has - you shouldn't explicitly state them it would ruin the feel of the piece. This is a great piece and a definite favourite of mine.
tolerate chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
I noticed the rhyme scheme right off. It has a lovely flow to it, and you sure know how to make it better. There's this obvious contradiction in the writing, like she is the pain, but she is also the reliever - that sort of thing. I do like the feeling of that. She can be one thing but then again, she can be another. All right, second stanza, fourth line, 'but she has deep feelings'. I sort of think this particular line is a little out of place here. 'Deep feelings' can mean a lot of things, I think you need to bring the word down to something that can specify what kind of feelings she has. This poem is very direct, and very full of emotions - I can tell. It's your emotions. You want her to rely on you and know that she has you, that she can tell you her sorrows sometimes, but she's not the type to do that. It's like you're protecting someone who doesn't want to be protected. So all in all, it's a great poem. Keep writing!
True Talker chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
I read this and it made me feel several things. It made me feel happy and sad. Then it made me want to be there for you. Then it made me want to apologize. For some reason that is what I had felt when I had read this. I had felt a many different emotions. I will also say that if this by chance were for me - Wouldn't you think that I would love to have you there for me like that? Why do I put it that way? Because if this were for me then I would love for you to love me, to hold my hand, and for us to be there for each other. Because I would want you to let me love you to, to be the comfort that you need to. That is what I would say if this were for me.
rust phoenix chapter 1 . 1/2/2013
The emotion in this piece is very strong and rings true. I can definitely relate, it's hard to love someone who can't seem to love themself. Your imagery in this piece is very strong, such as comparing her to a fever and winter chills, and the line about infected cuts is disturbing but powerful. Sometimes the different numbers of syllables in the lines sounded slightly unnatural, as it required some lines to suddenly speed up - for example, "Sometimes she's curable, /And others she kills." didn't sound quite right in my head, and it might flow better with either one or more less syllable in that second line. The use of rhyme in the poem makes it sound like it is meant to be read out loud, and I think it would be very strong as a spoken word piece, with a couple minor adjustments to the flow.

As always, I really like your writing and look forward to reading more of your poetry!