|Reviews for Race Day|
| nightfuries chapter 1 . 1/13/2013
Aw, very cute! I forgot to mention this in my reviews of your other story, but I Harbinger. I don't know if it's just his general awesomeness or the fact that sometimes he seems so sassy, but I love him :) I could totally picture Riyin doing this too, and I loved how the style of this story was different than Dragon Marked. Not just the fact that this is in present tense, but... I don't know, I'm not sure hwo to describe it. Super oneshot though :)
| Complex Variable chapter 1 . 1/4/2013
[There are few places in the Arolan Forest where a true horse race can be run.] - - - This sounds very awkward. Maybe "There are few places in the Arolan Forest suited for a true horse race." ?
[how such a small figure can hold in this giant of a horse.] - - - Gah! X[ Now you're just messing with me! XD Big horses and Forests do not mix. Make them ride elk! Or bears. Or... forest... um... gnomes. That would make more sense. XD
[Icefall has taken the lead now, ] - - - I think this might be in the wrong tense. Maybe "Icefall takes the lead now,] ? (But, I don't really write in the present tense, so I wouldn't know. XD)
You could make this story better by actually focusing on the issue of the King's disapproval. Show him arguing with his dad, or something—give the story an emotional undercurrent. Make it meaningful for your characters—show them in the struggle. In good fiction, sports are usually metaphors for the participants' struggles outside of the sport—in their personal life, with society, with their own emotions or fears, etc. Highlight that more. Basically, a story with a sporting event in it is never about the sport—it's about the emotions and conflicts that the players bring to the game, and how (if at all) they are able to negotiate their problems into a more desirable state by playing the sport.