|Reviews for Blame The Kiss|
| leavesfallingup chapter 1 . 6/8/2013
A very moving one-shot. It would be perfect for the final chapter of a longer drama. Perhaps some day you may do exactly that?
| Eiya Weathes chapter 1 . 4/13/2013
I really, really like how you kept this short, sweet and simple. At the same time, I didn't like how you kept this short, sweet and simple. Once I read the last sentence, I was both overjoyed (because honestly, this last line: "No, this finale, I had a feeling, would involve a white dress." was unbelievably adorable) and unsatisfied because I was craving for more Flynn and Rae!
Despite the sweetness and cuteness of this story, I had a couple of issues with it.
First of all, the grammatical errors. They're nothing major, but I do think that perhaps a proofread would help. I spotted comma splices and sentences that needed a comma.
Secondly, I was not a huge fan of your sentence structures. When writing, you should be able to alternate between creating short sentences and complex sentences. Using too many complex sentences makes the piece drag, and at the same time, these sentences are mistaken for run-ons due to the incredible length. Shorter sentences are simpler and direct to the point, and sometimes these things add to the impact of what you're trying to convey.
Thirdly, I would suggest to avoid using a bold font in writing. They're distracting and using italics is much more efficient in putting emphasis when needed.
Fourth, I did not like how the L word was dropped like a second-thought bomb. Rae admitted to herself that she never once considered Flynn as an option, and it is therefore unrealistic for her to claim that she already loves him. Especially after a break up with a guy whom she "really liked". Moreover, given her sudden instant love for him, it could be misinterpreted as Rae using Flynn as a rebound after getting her heart broken. Like I said, it's quite unrealistic for her to feel this way after a break up.
Finally, I feel like this piece could have been better had you expounded and polished more.
Despite everything that I have mentioned, since you succeeded in making Flynn unbearably sexy, I am willing to forgive you. This is definitely an awesome and adorable piece that is perfect for a light read! Keep it up!
| Lil'Conqueror chapter 1 . 1/9/2013
Cute! :) I loved it!
| AFractionOfMySoul chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
Great job, really cute:3
| Tigerlily2594 chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
This is absolutely adorable! I loved it.
| TheDisappointingMuse chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
She seems a bit self-centered. Here's this guy who drops everything and comes running to her aid, and when he makes one slight indication that it's getting a little overwhelming, she becomes offended at him?
Oh, and one thing that really bothered me; 'He always had that effect on me.' It's affect.
There were multiple errors concerning grammar, ones easily fixed. Maybe you should get a beta, if you don't already have one. It's common for people to miss little mistakes in their own writing, because they know exactly what it's supposed to say, and what they THOUGHT they typed.
The only thing I have to say concerning 'Flynn' - is it too hard to just say 'Flynn said.' or 'He said'. I'm analyzing this, and I don't think you used it once. What's wrong with a little simplicity here and there?
Just. Stahp. Seriously. Use 'He said/Flynn said' more, although too much usage of it can be a problem, too. Rae had much of the same problem.
Overall, get better; Everyone's still learning, and that doesn't exclude you. Looking forward to seeing you improve more over time.
| aberlasters chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
Awwww, that was so cute! I loved this. Great job. :) I only knew the characters for a short time, but even then, I still felt happy when they got together. Truly fantastic writing!