|Reviews for Claire and Dylan: Book One|
| Unchained Queen chapter 1 . 3/21/2013
Frankly, I think it's sad that I have to go this far to communicate with you. Swearing at me, insulting me, and blocking me, perhaps because you're afraid of my answer, is the most childish thing I've ever had done to me. In the interests of maintaining a reputation, this poem actually has promise. The only reason I did not like Claire and Dylan, Book One, was primarily because Claire is a Mary Sue. What's that, you may ask? An overly perfect character with few to no flaws. It's bad writing. It is, quite clearly, boring. Conflict between characters is interesting. A continual persecution of Perfect Miss Claire by Chanel, with a little angst and romance thrown in, is NOT a story. Add some real thought processes. Give Claire a personality, and maybe some faults. What, she's clumsy? Or can't play tennis, or sing, or play a musical instrument? Or has a bad temper? Those aren't faults. They're excuses for making her flawless otherwise.
If you don't want physical faults, then maybe make a reason for that perfect body. Is she an exercise freak? Or maybe a basketball nut? Use that to give her background, something to do other than angst over Dylan and fight with Chanel.
Give Chanel some depth. Bad guys (or girls) who only have one side- a bad side- are predictable and boring. Chanel, too, has personality.
Good luck. You're going to need it.
| Flipp Hyacinth chapter 1 . 1/6/2013
Classic example of what NOT to do when writing a story.