|Reviews for ORCHID|
| dmasterxd chapter 1 . 10/8/2017
Your description is really great, I'm jealous haha. Also I really like Azure's and Mimi's interactions already. And there seems to be some racism going on here. Not much else to say since it's only the first chapter but good job so far.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 7 . 4/9/2017
Wow...Tsukiko is...just nasty. If someone goes through my things and reads my stuff like that, I would have booted her out of my room. I don't care about living under the same room, you still have to maintain a modicum of privacy and respect. If you can't follow those rules, you can leave my room.
Seems like others have doubts about Edmond's decision to put poor Azure on the throne of his company. Well, he sounds political and stuff and we shall see what sort of plans will unfold in the future.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 6 . 4/8/2017
Ah...family pressures. We all experience them at some point or another.
See? Even Azure picked out the hypocrisy of RAIN. I'm with him on this, exceept that I find Azure hypocritical too. I know you're trying to be funny with Tsukuko, but really, if someone comes into my room and basically vandalizes it (yes, that's what Tsukiko did), I'll be annoyed. On a plus side, Samuel is awesome as hell. He sort of reminds me of Alfred the butler, with that British humor of his.
On the other hand, the interrogation scene went...unnaturally. I'm not sure if you know how interrogations work, but Mercutio spouting off such lines just made him sound cheesy instead of being sophisticated. And normally Albert would have smashed his face into the table to shut him up, but instead he lets the guy ramble on (I would have done it). In addition, would an interrogator shout his name and rank in response to provocation? "Do you know who I am? I am Major Albert blah blah..." No, really? Normally, you would either hit the guy (if you're talking about the illegal methods) or you'll ignore him and face him in stony silence. I'm sure interrogators are trained on how to deal with interrogations properly and not to rise to the other guy's provocations.
Well, we'll see what happens to Azure soon. By the way, I found it funny that you were posting about how to introduce and clearly distinguish/portray characters in the writing guide/forum but you didn't actually clarify that Azure was of European descent and had that scene imply that he was Indian (which was far from your goal of clearly portraying characters without ambiguity). I kind of feel you though, because I make similiar embarrassing mistakes.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 5 . 4/8/2017
Poor Ophelia. At least she's all right.
Both Azure and Tsukiko are acting like jerks, with one being self-entitled and demanding answers and Tsukiko being deliberately uncooperative, coy and provocative. I suspect that was your intention, for them to be hostile to each other, have sparks fly between their meeting, and then slowly warm up to each other. But still, wow...yelling like that? Azure seems like a self-righteous, arrogant hypocrite to me. But that's just me.
At least I finally get the purpose of RAIN, but I find it ludicrious that they're demanding democracy while blowing up buildings and trying to hurt people. I'm not sure if democracy is supposed to be that violent. Then again, such actions have basis in history, so that's not a critique of your story, I just find it hypocritical, even in real life.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 4 . 4/8/2017
I almost thought Azure was Indian as well. Thanks for clarifying that.
That first segment was a flashback? I couldn't tell and was completely caught offguard and flabbergasted by the sudden switch. Maybe you should have put it in italics to make it clearer that it was a flashback because I was scratching my head wondering how it switched from the scene of Azure shooting Mercutio into that scene. Well, at least I found out why Azure shot Mercutio. He wasn't trying to kill him but capture him and be a hero...I guess.
What happened to Wellington, by the way? Did he bleed to death? Poor guy lost a leg, just so Azure can get a leg up. Hah! They call Azure a terrorist fighting hero, but the dude couldn't be bothered to help Wellington a couple of chapters ago.
Poor Ophelia. I hope she's all right.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 3 . 4/8/2017
I still don't know what RAIN are there for. Did I miss something, or is it deliberately hidden so that the readers will find out next chapter or something? Or much later?
Really? Mercutio responded to a "hold it there!" with "I would sooner visit the fiery trenches of Hell!" Who the hell says that (pun intended) when running away? I mean, he'll be too out of breath to shout out such a long line for one thing, and it sounded pretty cheesy and...unnatural.
At least I figured something out. People here have powers! Awesome! I see Tsukiko has some sort of powers, and Mercutoo can shoot lightning. Or at least he can electrocute his opponent with physical contact (otherwise he would go Darth Sidious and force lightning the bunch of Royal Policemen who were chasing him).
Why did Azure shoot him, though? He didn't show up until the end for that twist. Hmm, I suppose I'll only find out the next chapter or so.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 2 . 4/8/2017
I'm not sure I'm following the story correctly, but Azure sounds a bit hypocritical to me.
I mean, yeah, Wellington is a bastard, but the poor guy has his leg blown off at the kneecap and is in danger of bleeding to death, and all Azure cares about is where Mimi is. The guy is wounded and in shock, for chrissakes, and Azure is like, "I don't care about you, I ain't gonna help you, so now where's Mimi?" And the next line, he mutters, caring only about your own life. I wanted to hit my head there. Dude, you only care about Mimi's life...the guy is evidently wounded, bleeding and in shock, and instead of helping him, you demanded for Mimi's location before making such a comment.
I'm guessing it's your intention to have Azure be hypocritical, because that did not sit well with me. Well, that aside, I guess you did establish the character firmly and solidly, so it's not a bad thing. I'm guessing it's a character flaw on Azure's part.
Still, the conflict is a bit confusing. Why are these RAIN people attacking? Who is the girl (well, she's obviously Tsukiko) and what's going on? I guess I'll only find out in the next chapter.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 1 . 4/8/2017
I'm pretty sure I read this somewhere before...didn't you post this section in a writing guide somewhere (maybe it was in the ROASR forum) where you tried to teach everyone how to introduce the different characters and emphasize the difference in their attitudes, characteristics and stuff by their behavior, dialogue and actions?
I knew it sounded familiar.
Anyway, there's nothing much to say here because it's the first chapter, and we have the standard boy meets girl at the end. Hmm...I guess I'll read on.
| veritas.incarne chapter 1 . 4/9/2016
I decided to read this story because you've updated Rose. I was curious to see what the series was all about, and I took a quick look. I wasn't disappointed, the appeal of this story lives up to the good reviews that this story received. A strong beginning with an interesting hook, and the character interactions were a delight to read. I enjoyed Azure and Mimi talking with one another, you can tell the intimacy that those two have one with one another through their interactions and dialogue. This is an intelligently written story with a lot of thought put into it, and I'll try keeping track of this story so that I may one day read Rose. I've got a good impression of the story thus far, and what a cliffhanger to leave on! Still, it's good to get the reader moving onto the next chapter, and you've got a strong hook and cliffhanger for this chapter. Well done, I say!
| cud-b-better chapter 49 . 7/10/2015
A sweet entrance, break in a building in the only way possible ramming through with a car. I still think the Maxwell family are taking a bit too much of a risk by placing themselves there in the first place, wouldn't you normally just send men rather than go personally? Well I think this may end in tears though by the looks.
| Starart152 chapter 3 . 7/9/2015
This is an exciting chapter. I like how you describe the situation toward the ends until Mercutio met a painful fate.
I didn't see any problem in the story.
| cud-b-better chapter 48 . 7/9/2015
Well it has been a while. Azure's father getting taken. How on earth can Nathaniel get away with such a deed? Someone put a bullet into his head already. Now how will they fare in rescuing the hostages? Anyway one thing I noticed: You had two different characters use the threat of a "premature death" within this same chapter, I recommend changing one of them to give a bit of variety.
| Vio the Wandering Lover chapter 5 . 5/11/2015
So far Tsukiko still not gaining any points with me but I know there's more to her than what's been shown. I want to like Ophelia but it just seems like she's the optimistic friend. I need more of her backstory. Thought this was going to be a simple chapter until the end. Always with the cliffhangers. Lol
| Vio the Wandering Lover chapter 4 . 5/10/2015
It was a little jarring to start with that flashback. It seems like something that should have been done earlier in the story. But since it doesn't matter anymore I digress. I'm guessing Tsukiko is the type to be cold until Azure proves himself. She's slightly annoying as of now. Mimi could've been a little more appreciative but oh well. On to the next one.
| Vio the Wandering Lover chapter 3 . 5/10/2015
Ooooooooohhhhh shit! Was my initial reaction upon finishing this chapter. Lol. I know Mercutio is supposed to be a villain and I generally dislike people who talk like him but he's such a badass. However, as I hoped, Azure one upped him at the end. I know it can't be that simple but the fact that he did the deed so nonchalantly made it epic. Glad Mimi is okay. If I didn't have to work, I would sit here and read this all day.