|Reviews for The Changeling|
| JESUSFREAK-And-Proud-Of-It chapter 20 . 3/19/2013
Sounds to me that he must be becoming a vampire of some sort. I don't know if I'm jumping to conclusions or anything, but that's a fascinating concept. A hunger that can never be satisfied, an ability to see the cardiovascular system of other creatures...I just don't understand if the dragon-venom caused it or something else entirely is at work here. What a chilling chapter.
| JESUSFREAK-And-Proud-Of-It chapter 19 . 3/13/2013
Very interesting historical fiction woven into this chapter. I definitely can appreciate that! I like how you intertwined the danger to the elven world with a possible danger to the human world as well. It makes the entire situation a lot more relevant to Aija and less of a 'what am I doing here, I just want to get back home' sort of feel to her attitude. Good chapter!
| JESUSFREAK-And-Proud-Of-It chapter 18 . 3/8/2013
The banter between Aija and Trizryn was particularly amusing in this chapter. Very interesting concept with the spider-gem. Great job. :)
| silly1 chapter 16 . 2/28/2013
This was a good one!
| silly1 chapter 11 . 2/10/2013
I read the whole 11 chapters today-I really enjoyed this. Looking forward to finding out what happens next!
| JjBugg chapter 11 . 2/10/2013
I just want to say that I've been following your story ever since I found it, and I am really enjoying it. As a creative writer, I really enjoy it when I can find other people who know how to spin worlds together as much as I can. You do well with explaining how this world works, and I'll be pleased to see where you take this. :)
| Elixssam chapter 2 . 2/8/2013
Maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine, but I'm noticing the same thing that I did with the first chapter and that's a tendency to tell emotion rather than showing it.
For instance: "Aija shifted nervously and looked down at the netted captive" I think her nervousness comes across without saying she's doing something nervously and you rob Aija of opportunity to grow as a character even if it's something subtle like shifting. Did she shift and bite her thumb nail? Did she shift and eye the armed men? Did she shift and take a backward step? Or did she just shift foot to foot? Explaining emotion through action gives more range to the emotion than just telling the readers about it.
This is a chapter with a lot of action and I think if you did more showing of emotions it could have a lot more of an, on-the-edge-of-your-seat impact.
Your main female character has a strong voice though. I liked her from chapter one and feel she has a lot of potential to grow. :)
| JESUSFREAK-And-Proud-Of-It chapter 8 . 2/1/2013
Ooh, great cliff-hanger. Love the bit with Trizryn and the apple cider. This chapter was very informative, your universe is very interesting! I look forward to the next chapter and the development with K'tias plan.
| JESUSFREAK-And-Proud-Of-It chapter 7 . 1/28/2013
Such an interesting twist there with the lullaby and sleeping spell. I was prepared with a nagging comment about how Aija could possibly trust them so quickly that she felt comfortable enough in their presence to fall asleep, when you really surprised me! Overall, very interesting chapter! I look forward to the next one.
| Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
In general this is well written, with good skills and believable characters in a well done setting. Some spots seem a little rough:
I'm having trouble with a visual: '... plain, navy blue hoodie. She couldn't tell if his eyes were gray or blue, but they seemed to be the exact same color as his denim jacket.' -'Hoodies' are usually sweatshirts with kangaroo pouch pockets and a hood; they may be pullovers or zip fronts, but in general are loose with a lot of ease. The classic denim jacket, on the other hand, is cut close and is almost form-fitting. Is the jacket under the hoodie? Or is the jacket over the hoodie, with the man resembling the Michelin tire character?
'She gave an *obligatory* gesture to the stone wall behind her.' -explanatory gesture? Or what compels the gesture?
'She answered the *honest* question with a sheepish smile.' - what's honest about this question? G. has asked a number of questions, and I have no idea why this one is singled out as special.
| JESUSFREAK-And-Proud-Of-It chapter 1 . 1/26/2013
This really is quite phenomenal. I come from the fanfiction realm where there is a lot of clichéd writing and younger writers just dabbling in the art of words. After a friend recommended fictionpress and yours was the first one I clicked on...wow. After only two chapters your characters were alive and I was empathizing with them. I am incredibly excited to continue and I may even need to find the second book when it hits the shelves.
Your writing was very in-depth with description and imagery, intense enough to paint a fabulous picture in my head, and I really enjoyed that. Although my opinion is not a professional one, I don't think there is a limit for the amount of sense-stimulating imagery a person should have in their writing, as long as they present it in a fashion that the reader can experience fully-which you certainly did! I look forward to reading the rest!
Thank you for the fascinating entertainment,
| Elixssam chapter 1 . 1/17/2013
Finally something that held my attention! This is good, there are a few things here and there. I think you over explain your dialog in places where it can stand on it's own and in other places you have a tendency to point out each and every action when a few short sentences is all you need. I can go into detail if you ever want it and give my full opinion. If not than most of what I read could be tidied up with a book called Self Editing for Fiction writers.
I'll keep reading. :) I hope you check out my novel the cursed prince.
P.S. My favorite line: "They have guns. We have a flashlight and a bag of books. What are we supposed to do? Enlighten them?" Ha. It made me chuckle.
| Cinnamon Shards chapter 1 . 1/9/2013
Clever opening bit with the storybook, but things seem to be moving very, very quickly considering the length of this chapter. Rather than rushing into the exciting parts from a slow beginning, why not try starting the story from an exciting point?
I like how richly fantastical some of your names are, but Aija and Garaketh seem strange when alongside ordinary names like Kim. Maybe make that a topic of conversation between the two leads? I once new a girl named Stardust, and whenever someone new met her she needed to say 'yeah, that's really my name'. :P
"They have guns. We have a flashlight and a bag of books. What are we supposed to do? Enlighten them?": I laughed ;)
Take your time and have fun! You've got a great start.