Reviews for Ghost Gunslinger
heartworkmechanics chapter 1 . 1/31/2013
I just read your first chapter:

I'm mad at you. You know why? I have to be at work in three hours. I should have been asleep by now...would have been asleep by now too, had not this work been so damn good! There are a few problems here and there but nothing so serious. It's an amazing first person work. I've been laughing since I've started reading. I plan on reading and reviewing the next chapter too.

Also by the way...I'm not the least bit mad. Ha ha. Please do update when you can.
Team Raven Nemo chapter 2 . 1/30/2013
Funny. :3

Good work. *thumbs up*

Interesting idea, the gun.
Benedict A.86 chapter 2 . 1/26/2013
I don't usually enjoy leaking tears from my eyes, but half the time, my lungs are not plagued by irregular air intake, and my face is not contorted in a weird, not-pain-induced expression. Good thing I read this on my bed, otherwise... My poor poor chair.

I'm guessing the next chapter might be a tad less comedy, so as to give room for a story to develop. I mean sure the crack is good stuff, but the material has the potential to cross other genres. Still, I'll trust whatever you decide to do with it.

Are you sure you didn't plan this, cause I saw some stuff that looked like they could be plot clues. Oh well that just makes the game of 'guess-the-plot' lot more interesting I think.

Oh, and the Aki the magical girl referrence was good stuff.

See you in a week's time; you promised.
Razorine chapter 2 . 1/23/2013
Lawl, the chemistry is great, and I love how you retained the humor in all of this. Nice, clear prose, littered with some funny antics that I'm sure will be recurring gags in the future chapters xD

I will be awaiting the next chapter... tenaciously D
Y. S. Wong chapter 2 . 1/23/2013
I like tsunderes.

I'm not sure whether a gun that relies on concentration for accuracy is a good thing or a bad thing, but it's interesting!

The comedy in this chapter was golden. The comedic bits had an extra kick to them and they were executed well. The pacing was also very good, especially with the build up to Eyemon's demise. You did a great job building the tension, particularly with that "Onii-chan" line.

Personally, I thought the chapter dragged on a little bit longer than necessary. I would have ended it right at the moment Eyemon was defeated to build hype/anticipation for the next chapter. But the comedy in the last segment was good, nonetheless.

The car one's happened to me before! But it wasn't a car, it was in the grocery store.
bradpara chapter 2 . 1/23/2013
Funny, that was very nice Katsu. Everyone loves a tsundere
Deo V chapter 1 . 1/16/2013
It seems a lot of your characters have a laid back devil may care attitude. I would advise expanding the variety of arch-types. Interesting stories have lots of interesting characters.
Lolitroy chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
Your summary's good! I like it. I really like it when people actually know what they're writing about but anyway, so far so good.
xXxd chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
Helloo there! Finally got time off to read this, so here I am!

Your writing style reminded me of a light novel, "The Zashiki Warashi of Intellectual Village" written by Kazuma Kamachi. Somewhat similar commentary narrative style, while keeping the readers amused and of course, very smooth flow. (The novel is about a human protagonist hanging out with Japanese Youkai, do give it a read if you have the time to :D)

Plot-wise: Excellent hook and introduction. I was literally laughing throughout most parts of the chapter, and the plot was certainly well-thought out. Like other reviewers may have mentioned, I found the concept to be quite refreshing and the characters (well at least between Kenichi and Haiiro) had great chemistry. The references to Bruce Lee were hilarious, and I am sure there were a lot more that you have put in. (I couldn't spot the rest though D:)

I may start to be a little nit-picky here, so do correct me if my opinions were off the mark.

I felt that you went slightly overboard with the parallel structure. While the content was amusing after reading the first part about Kenichi's memories, it felt like he was rambling from the second part onwards (sentences that start with "I didn't know".) This includes the paragraph that contains sentences starting with "A feeling". In my opinion, you have given too many examples (at least four to five) to the point where I just skimmed through those paragraphs.

Next, the part where Eyemon slapped a revolver off the exorcist's hand threw me off. Beforehand, the descriptions were just her holding a vial and sprinkling it over the cross on her other hand. Nowhere was there descriptions of her taking out a revolver or whatsoever.

Nonetheless, this story was definitely a great read. I have certainly enjoyed reading from the start till the end, so do update soon! Keep up the good work! :D
Razorine chapter 1 . 1/13/2013
AWESOME! Loved the title of 'ghost gunslinger', that's really fecking awesome xD And I like howthis all started with three words. Nice! I'll be waiting for an update!
lookingwest chapter 1 . 1/13/2013
"You have a destiny to fulfil." [typo misspelling of "fulfill"...I'm pretty sure fulfill has two L's (I noticed the same spelling towards the end) ...actually I just looked it up and I learned something today. Apparently fulfil can be spelled with one f or two L's according to one source, weird! I wonder if that's a regional by country thing?]

I really like how you've taken the soup of forgetting thing and turned it into a story with characters, etc. I think that's a really cool idea. I'm a little unclear about what was going on with the asterisks though, and think that could've been clearer stylistically - I thought maybe you were citing the story of the reincarnation cycles etc. but then there wasn't anything... It makes me wonder if they get reincarnated into animals or not (since I think that's how it originally works), and also, it's interesting that they don't go straight to hell/heaven and *then* get reincarnated like the original story (probably shouldn't call it a story - religion) believes either. I think that gets things moving along better since listening to a narrator in hell for thousands of years before getting reincarnated into a balde of grass just doesn't sound like an appealing story. But ANYWAY, what I'm saying: love the originality and the direction your taking the religious aspects of this because they caught my attention right away and I sympathized with the narrator.

I also liked the introduction of Haiiro because it provided some comic relief and contrast from the first section with our ghost - the two scenes complimented each other for sure. My favorite part though, has to be the ending because of the developments with the gun, and also the beginning section too (for reasons mentioned above).
professional griefer chapter 1 . 1/12/2013
I actually read this after seeing it in the Just In, glad I have a reason to review it:)
Okay, well, I love your humor in this. You blend it into the narration and world really well, and I laughed quite a bit throughout. I think you did a great job with the narration style, because it's conversational enough to be interesting and amusing, but not so over-chatty that it's painful.
I didn't care for the pacing of the last segment, however, I thought it seemed far too rushed. I was getting a bit lost in the action. I feel like you could clarify that part a bit more.
Hasta la vista until next chapter:)
(I really, really liked this)
Benedict A.86 chapter 1 . 1/12/2013
you really are somehting you know. I'll give full marks for spontaneity. Originality was also good, you don't see too many stories with a similar plot. Comedy was through the roof; I'll be needing a new reading chair, thanks to me falling repeatedly till it broke.
The characters were interesting; the evil soup lady, (a tad generic, why are there no nice soup ladies?) the loud, exorcist, (I hope she doesn't get all cheesy with the protagonist to soon) our friendly neighbourhood poltergeist and lastly, the clueless protagonist.
It really was a fun ride.

Excellent narration, 1st person POV is a tad difficult for me, but I must say you pulled it off rather well. And how do you manage to stay free off errors?

Update please, this is one of the better (if not best) fics I've read on this site
bradpara chapter 1 . 1/11/2013
Nice begining. This looks like a fun read.
Y. S. Wong chapter 1 . 1/11/2013
Could use some proofreading to get rid of some basic errors.

I don't know. While I liked it overall, there's something about the execution that feels off to me. It's like there's something schizophrenic going on with the narrator's tone as he's commentating on the story and the overall mood that the events of the story convey. There's a disconnect between the tone and the mood that feels off, is what I'm trying to say. It may just be me, though. I might read this again later and see if I still feel the same way.

On a somewhat related note, I think the story would read better if you cut back on the vulgarities. I realize it's part of your style, but they felt a bit forced and didn't really hash very well with the rest of the chapter. For me at least, that style of humor just didn't work as well in this particular story. On the other hand, I enjoyed the latter part in which the narrator started yelling random attack names and pleading for Eyemon not to rape him. That worked better.
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