|Reviews for Everhart|
| DJV-Trio-blast chapter 5 . 3/9
... uh... well then... remind me not to go against a suit of metal.
| DJV-Trio-blast chapter 2 . 3/10/2013
Ira's brother reminds me of someone ... hmmm... anyway cant wait for the next update
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 2 . 3/10/2013
In general, I'm really enjoying this story. Ira is an engaging main character and it's great to read some good fantasy/adventure! You've given just enough unique little details to really set this up as an exciting world and promising plot- exactly what is needed from this stage in the story :)
I also think there is a really good balance of description, action and dialogue in this.
Just a few suggestions:
flowing through her ebony hair [I don't like the use of the word ebony here. It's just my opinion, but I think overly-dramatic descriptors like this are used too much in fantasy.]
His mean all nodded and saluted [typo- mean or men?]
Though this place, even the elves shy away from. [Not sure about the wording here. It seems a bit awkward.]
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 1 . 3/10/2013
This is a good beginning- there is a sense of being entirely immersed in the action, as if looking straight at it.
Just one suggestion- many of the sentences are of a similar short length. I think the prose would flow better if you varied the sentence length a bit.
Overall, you've caught my attention and I will be reading more.
| HybridStories31 chapter 1 . 2/23/2013
Very good intro. I didn't find many mistakes. My only question is the word "colour" I know in some places that is a correct spelling, but where I'm from we spell it "color". I would suggest more details. Where is she at? Is it a battle? Describe her scenery; what does she smell, see, hear? I would also suggest changing the comma after "She eyed the sword," to either a semi-colon or a period.
Also I would like to tell you that I have a forum called Triple Moon. You can request reviews, develop characters, recommend stories that you have read, and find some really good stories to read.
The URL is forum/Triple-Moon/6929/
| ALivingDream chapter 1 . 2/1/2013
Quoting Regan "It has begun"
I like it, some words I would change in my own opinion that would make more sense in my own brain - but my brain is currently in Hawaii - So it has no opinion :)
I do not notice any errors, at all :)
looking forward to the next one
| DJV-Trio-blast chapter 1 . 1/11/2013
so it has begun... Dun dun duuun
Mr. TyrranicFish, this is a good opening short but good