Reviews for Eliza: The Savior
Kloulouuu chapter 5 . 1/22/2013
Even if you still to do lots of editing, its still pretty good! But like you said, chapters do need to be longer and there could be more detail not just 'the forest was on fire' and I found the bit where she told him that he was her brother was brief too, he might need more convincing ;)
I find writing about all six senses help: what do you feel? What do you see? What can you smell? What can you hear? What can you taste?
The characters emotions also help describing the scene (I noticed you have already done that) after you have said what it looks like, smells like bla bla bla.
Still enjoying the story, keep it up :D
Kloulouuu chapter 4 . 1/21/2013
Please make the chapters longer... They're just too short!
And please, please can you put the name of the persons POV it is in, in bold! It would be much clearer!
Kloulouuu chapter 3 . 1/19/2013
I liked this chapter but it was still very, very short. I didn't see the point of having '?'s POV because it was very random and it looked like there was a question mark there for no reason till you read on (maybe put the names of the person's POV in bold?).
Just trying to help. Story idea is great but u could put those two chapters together and it would still be pretty short!
Update soon :)
Kloulouuu chapter 2 . 1/15/2013
The characters are really interesting. I would split your paragraphs up a bit though because it can put people off reading it when they are too long. The chapter was very short but I still liked it. Update soon :)
Kloulouuu chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
Very nice idea. This story could get very interesting. I will keep reading ;)