|Reviews for Army of Spiders|
| BENN chapter 3 . 2/15/2013
Having seen the French film Army of Shadows a few years back, I really enjoy this parody!
My favorite line from the third chapter: "I'm not listening to anything that a ten-metre tall rainbow-colored dragon that speaks French that sounds like English tells me to do." Who in their right mind would? :)
| Complex Variable chapter 3 . 2/12/2013
I would prefer if the Germans said random crazy shit, but in German. Like "I have shiny buttons!" or "Do you want to do the chicken-dance?" etc. xD It seems a bit of a cop-out to have them speak "true" gibberish, rather than simply crazy stuff.
I think that you should insert yourself as a character, à la Kurt Vonnegut. Not all the time, but occasionally popping in. Doing that, instead of having indirect conversations with them via the stage-directions would be slightly more clear, IMO.
"Machine-gunned" is hyphenated.
Also, there are quite a few places where you don't have periods/exclamation marks/question marks. Especially when your characters are yelling in all caps. It bothers me.
Also, also, I think it would work better if you gave slightly more detailed stage-directions—especially as it regards the appearance/disappearance of new "characters". It's a little confusing (and in a bad way) having certain characters just appear, especially if they aren't prone to random appearances. Compare "LE GUY" to "VOICE OF GOD"; the first just appears, and we have no basis of judging whether or not he is a character involved with the action, or a peripheral character. On the other hand, "VOICE OF GOD" makes sense, appearing randomly the way that it does. Basically, you should try to get clear distinctions between craziness coming from INSIDE the story and craziness coming from OUTSIDE it—okay?
And, no, I'm not over-analyzing this. xD
| Complex Variable chapter 2 . 1/18/2013
[FELIX is strollin' down the street, whistlin'.] - - - he should be wearing spats. XD
[(telling the Funniest Joke in the World)
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!] - - - Yes. Just, yes. XD Monty Python for the Win!
Also, Cyanide and Happiness his HILARIOUS. xD
[VOICE OF GOD
You've been GESTAPO'D!] - - - Not a listed character. XD
[ FELIX'S hat] - - - This isn't ridiculous enough. Make it a Sombrero. Because Spanish Civil War. XD
[doing absolutely fucking NOTHNIG.] - - - "Nothnig"? xD
[And LIGHTNING BOLTS. OOOOOOO] - - - The "oooo" should probably be accompanied with stupid ghost-imitating hand-waving and/or an emoticon. Pull out all the stops.
[Can you get me a sandwich?] - - - This should say "sammich" XD
['kay.] - - - "m'kay"? xD
[Because it's really TENSE you guys.] - - - really should be in italics.
Once again. INSANE.
You might be infecting me, y'know—I'm starting to wonder what I could do with an idea like this. XD
| Complex Variable chapter 1 . 1/18/2013
[SICK BEAT starts.
(beatboxing)] - - - I don't know whether to laugh, cry, scream, or...
I think I'll just hide under my bed until it passes. ._.
(This is HILARIOUS! XD)
And you think I'M messed up? xD'
People that suck.] - - - But what about Sophie Scholl, or the many Bachs, or Frederick II of Prussia?
[With sincere apologies to J.P. Melville.] - - - This list needs to be longer.
[We are concerned about the—effectiveness—of the French Resistance.] - - - Well, more or less this specific unit of the Resistance.
How does one sit down and write something like this. More importantly, what were you taking? I WANT SOME! XD
The blatant a-historicism/ridiculousness of the rapping/street-talk is simply hysterical.
| J.Kuzzey chapter 1 . 1/17/2013
Bahaha! I tried not to laugh reading this whole thing. Hilarious stuff. Perfect thing to read right before heading to work. When even your character descriptions send somebody laughing, you must be doing something right.
| Avec Plaisir chapter 1 . 1/16/2013
I love the tone. I enjoyed this, well done.