|Reviews for THE DEAFENING WHISPER|
| FlameConCrit chapter 1 . 1/28/2013
Wow how did that icon get there? Last I know, I don't have an account on this site, but whatever.
This is a reply to your reply to my review. Also, this is more of a flame than concrit, so remember not to take this too hard.
Okay, since it seems that you didn't understand my last review, let me repeat myself. Even if you say that you WEREN'T using a computer and that it's HARD typing on an iPhone or something, that is still no excuse for terrible punctuation, capitalization and grammar.
Saying you were lazy to edit it is not only unprofessional, but it's also STUPID.
Saying English isn't your native language is NOT an excuse. I've seen plenty of non-Americans/British/etc. who can read, write and speak fluent English. If you're having trouble with English, why bother using it at all? I mean, you're not even trying to improve your English grammar; you don't even change the wrong grammar in the story. So just GO AHEAD and write in your NATIVE tongue! Who knows? Maybe it'll be a lot better than this.
You said that you wrote it a "long long time ago", meaning, you had ample time to go over your work, criticize it for yourself and edit it a number of times OR to get the story checked by another person for you. You had a chance to edit your writing, and yet you did not. What's worse is that you had the guts to upload it; showing the whole world wide web your embarrassing mistakes and misspellings! Wow.
You're being naive if you're thinking that people won't notice your story's faults. Once you upload your file, you've published permanently in the webs and lots of different people, like me, can see it. Make sure you remember that next time!
On another note, I would like to say sorry because I tried showing you a break line in my last review, however, fictionpress messed it up. You mentioned wanting to "highlight" a part? I'm guessing you want the letter part to be separate from the monologue of the boy. Well then, as I've said, you can use break lines for that. Just search on Google or read a few fics on this site how you can do it. I think there's a button for it on the edit text box when you upload your document.
Hm, you're welcome, I guess. Just remember what I've recommended you. I look forward to this story being edited and re-uploaded.
You have a great life, too.
| dexSTAR chapter 1 . 1/24/2013
hello FlameConCrit.. I am so sorry for that but that story is typed on my phone and I am so lazy to edit it.. and just so you know I written this a long long time ago maybe when I was in high school.. so the grammars and everything sucks.. yes I admit that.. but try reading my story entitled "sunshine and city lights".. and about the enter thing.. yeah I know it.. but as you can see the story says it was written in a paper so I was trying to highlight the story of this boy by writing it without entering after the paragraph.. so that's all.. thank you so much for wanting me to improve. and by the way I live in a country that used different language not English.. so that's all.. thanks again.. and have a great life.
| FlameConCrit chapter 1 . 1/19/2013
I would like to give you this review; you may see this as a flame (hate review) or ConCrit (Constructive Criticism). Whichever you may see this as, I don't really care.
First of all, your summary's cut off. I suggest changing it to a shorter one.
Second, congratulations for creating a HOLY F*CKIN WALL OF TEXT. (Yes, that was sarcasm.) Ever heard of the Enter button? Try using it sometimes! Walls of text are ugly, unprofessional and it drives off readers. Just looking at it makes me want to click that close button right there, but I won't because I want you to improve.
Remember, press Enter when a paragraph stops. Press Enter when there is a topic change. Press Enter when there is a dialogue change. eg.:
"I'm sorry my face is so ugly," he said.
The girl stared lovingly into his eyes and said, "Don't worry, I'm uglier than you."
"You think so?"
And that, is how a normal dialogue usually works.
Third, after you've gotten acquainted with the Enter button, I want you to meet its neighbor, the Shift button. What I'm telling you Dexter, is that you need to watch those capitalized letters. "I am" not "i am"; Proper nouns start with a big letter, "Dexter" not "dexter." If you say that you weren't using a computer and that it's hard typing on an iPhone or something, then that is still no excuse for terrible punctuation, capitalization and grammar.
If there is a time skip/change, then you can use a break line. A simple "-" is fine. If you want it longer or slightly different, then that's okay too. For example:
This is the final day of our school days. I wonder what will happen in the future.
It's been six years since I've graduated from school. I've been a hobo since then.
And that is how to use a linebreak.
Fourth, mind explaining why this is in the Biography section? This isn't even real.
There are a lot more things I'd like to say about this story, but I'm too lazy to type them for you. I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself. If not, try Auto-Correct or Spelling and Grammar corrector on MSWord; ask help from a friend or one of the Betas here; read a book and try to copy it's "format"; read more books; listen to your English/Grammar teacher; etc.
Thank you and I hope you take my advice and try to improve, not only this story but also your writing skills. You can reply to me by reviewing this story.