|Reviews for Holy the Dark|
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
Doodah, doodah. EF review. :D?
Meh, I'll talk overall and then delve deeper. Is that good? I haven't reviewed in a while so I feel like I should ask questions instead of making statements. Forgive me. As a whole, I'm pretty interested in this. You hit the pacing and description well, and the premise is fascinating. I like that you didn't give it all away at first and held back a little. The chapter has a concise, deliberate feel that's comforting. I just sifted through some silly junk in the romance section so this is like sinking into a hot tub after blundering around in a blizzard for hours. Boo, romance section, what happened to you.
Opening works. I feel threatened by the size of the first paragraph, but that's not really something you should worry about, I guess. It's a great way of throwing the readers into the context and catching interest. I'm noticing some stylistic choices as well - "they lift from me" and "something breaks painful" etc. They threw me off at first, but once I got a hold of them it really set the tone for me.
In the second scene, I think the narrative summary flows at first, but deeper in I catch myself wanting to skim until the action starts. I'd tell anybody else to dump some of it out. But from what I've read of your work, you don't include any details that aren't necessary later, so that probably wouldn't be a good idea. I wonder if there'd be any way to condense it into fewer sentences. It wasn't a huge problem for me, anyway, and other people might not have any issue with it.
I'm a teenager. We have short attention spans, yo. /biased.
I love a lot of the lines here. "I wrote poetry once" and especially "I once was many great and terrible things." What I love about your writing is it's so well-crafted, down to the last sentence.
I'll catch more later if I have time. Great premise, great tone, great conflict.
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
Well crap. That was fantastic and amazing and wow. It's been YEARS since I read the "original" beginning to I Never Said I Was Brave, but I definitely think this is an improvement. I really like how you've given more backstory up front here, since that helps make things clearer for when, in the future, things get less clear. You definitely established the Kit vs. witches/inability to shape better here—it's very obvious from the get-go that witches and shapers are at odds with each other.
And of course, there was still Kit. His narration is always very fluid, and you deal with all of his emotion really well. Keeping things in line and making sure they match up. I definitely feel like I know him more as a character after 1 chapter than I did previously.
Your Kit-styled prose is also quite good. Obviously we haven't met the other 2 narrators yet, but there is already a distinctive tone to his voice that separates this style of narration from, even, your other pieces.
I also liked how rich in detail this was. The hints toward a female-dominated witch society, Margot, Jude's unusual vampirism, etc. Even knowing what I know, I feel like this is a much richer and broader immersion experience into this piece's setting than you offered readers before.
| VelvetyCheerio chapter 1 . 1/20/2013
I take this is going to be like a prequel of sorts, explaining a few things that took place before? Or are you starting all over? o: Either way, poor Kit. Y U DO THIS TO HIM? T_T Gah, I never liked the way he experienced the pain of trying to shift with that cursed ring on. It was like it was hurting me! D:
It still feels like it hurts me. ;-;
Ugh, I hate the guards. Even Robbie, who's too scared to do anything. Foolish Kit, letting himself get captured. Ugh.
It's been such a long time since I read the first chapter of INSIWB, so it was a nice refresher, knowing Kit and Jude were cellies for a while there, haha.
[ It clings to me and if I didn't know any better, hates to see me go.] D'aww. That's when you know they're going to be bros for life... minus all the times they were being real dickholes to each other, lol. xD
Seriously, I hate Niki. Wait! O:! Niki. The name, so familiar. OMG, yes, I think I remember. Yes, whoa. _ Wow, I hate this guy even more. I wonder if he knew that he had Achitophel and that's why he decided to make him rip up the book, or if he just knew about the blasphemous book and he wanted a shaper to rip it apart. Hmm.
Are they really planning on setting Jude loose on Kit? o: Man. I feel like Jude is the crazy cousin locked away in the attic, haha. Like, that's why no one wants to talk about him. xD
I love this, it's fantastic. I liked knowing a little bit more about the epic "Margot". Maybe it was mentioned before, but I didn't know it was about the ousting of the witch system. It certainly adds some insight into the war that's going on.
Okay, that's enough of me rambling, lol. You must write moar, Potter. Moar. _ I love this story, I love the characters. I want Kit to get that stupid ring off his finger so he can shift and I can breathe and everyone will be happy. I don't know where you'll be updating next, but I'm excited, so yay. :D
| Viera Wing chapter 1 . 1/20/2013
Browsing through and I see this. Is this a rewrite? Will the main story be finished under this submission? If you don't mind, can you let me know so I can change the alerts if that's so?
Anyway, yeah, I was surprised to see this. But since it's been over a year since I last read the first chapter, I can basically treat it new - I cannot exactly remember what scenes happened. Still good and interesting, nicely written. Architophel's desperation/misery is depicted well.
The part about Robbie - "I pray to the goddess for him to stand watch(es) as..."
Is 'shaper' new? Sorry, I forget.
Sorry, brief. Good read, thanks.
| Luna's Child chapter 1 . 1/20/2013
This was a very interesting story, a type that I've never read before. I enjoyed it very much, excellent work!