|Reviews for Tokusentai Guardranger|
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 3 . 1/30/2013
To answer your question, no, I didn't get what's "Aryo Spiidueigen" :P
[Eri, having been called a guy for the millionth (?) time, said "Who are you calling HE? I just have a flat chest."]
- She should have added that with a flying kick. Flat-chested tsunderes normally do that.
I think the pacing was way too fast in this chapter. Events that span days or weeks occur in just a few lines. I also thought that the battle between the GP battle ship and the Matori Spear could have been described in more detail to build up excitement. Show, don't tell.
Finally, the little bits of information in the brackets are actually not needed at times, like the example I stated earlier. I think it could be implied by the reader, or you could replace it with something like "for probably the millionth time"
On a positive note, your dialogue really flows much better now. Liking the concepts as well.
Keep it up! :)
["Was was that metallic stuff in the needle?"]
[the 4th panet]
[ gotten so deperate]
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
Hello from the Roadhouse!
Just popping by since Power Rangers played an instrumental role in my childhood. I still remember the scenes from the 1995 movie rather vividly.
Like the previous reviewer mentioned, I would have preferred the dialogue to be spaced out so that I could read it and distinguish between who is speaking. It also helps with the pacing of the story, which is a little choppy. Formatting wise, you could also bold the section of your author's note to demarcate where the story actually begins.
Story wise, a really nice trip down memory lane with the transformation scene. GuardRanger sounds like a title or a posting from the army though 0.0 Dunno, maybe it's just me.
Jasutin Biba? I see what you did there.
Anyway, keep writing! :)
P.S. Is your avatar Rin from Little Busters?
| thetruthaboutsilver chapter 1 . 1/22/2013
Awesome chapter, and I didn't see any blatantly huge mistakes. Great job writing the settin detail :) My only criticism is to have more dialogue spaced out. Otherwise, great job!