|Reviews for Love Me Not: 偽の希望|
| heartworkmechanics chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
I just read your one shot this is what I have to say:
Most of what I am reading is unique and good but I notice a lot of sentences in need of restructuring. I am not an English professor so I can’t tell you all the correct lingo, however I hope that you will find my examples helpful in explaining where I cannot.
First for the praise! I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed you pushing away from the cliche and focusing on the realization of what a crush is and what it does. I honestly wanted to read more. I was so sad at the end to find nothing more to read.
Now critique wise:
Reworking your sentences will help carry the flow better. Also there was only one misspelling I found, and that was Olf-Fashioned at the beginning.I think you meant Old Fashioned.
Here is an example from your work (I changed as little as possible):
It was a normal day of school for Mai, she'd write on her little diary whenever she took a peak at the apple of her eyes. People would think it was unusual and an olf -fashioned way of expressing one's feelings. It was a reason why gadgets were created, but Mai preferred it anyway. it was a gift she received after all from him.
The guy sitting in front, sleeping but pretended to write to seem unnoticed was named Kaoru.
Like the usual, he sleeps in most subjects … such a lazy bastard in short.
It was a normal day of school for Mai, she'd write on her little diary whenever she took a peak at the apple of her eyes. People would think it was unusual and an old-fashioned way of expressing one's feelings. It was a reason why gadgets were created, but Mai preferred it anyway. After all it was a gift she received from him.
Kaoru, who sat in the front of the class, pretended to write to allow his dozing to continue unnoticed. Usually he sleeps in most subjects…in short he is a lazy bastard.
I hope this helps! And thank you for the good read!