|Reviews for Up in the Prayerloft, Down in the Crypt|
| Complex Variable chapter 5 . 2/18/2013
[At two o'clock on the morning of 18 June 1942, eight hundred Gestapo and SS men surrounded the church and stormed it at 4.15 am.] - - - this sentence is confusing. If you say "two o'clock", don't say "4:15" later in the same sentence, so suddenly. Try this: "At two o'clock on the morning of 18 June 1942, eight hundred Gestapo and SS men surrounded the church. Two-and-a-quarter hours later, the invaders stormed the church, attacking everyone inside, indiscriminately."
[Held it open as a broken bird.] - - - don't you mean "like a broken bird." ?
You should write out "two hundred thousand" and "one hundred-thirty thousand" instead of the numbers.
[ like sand; and looking ] - - - that should be a comma, not a semicolon. Also, nice description. :D
Overall, this is very nice. It's rather detailed, by your standards, and I think that makes it work wonderfully. It has a very calming, yet disturbed, surreal air to it.
Also, you just HAVE to include another line about the sound of the waves lapping up against the shore; put it near or at the beginning of the scene. That way, the second mention of the sound of the waves acts as a "curtain call" for this scene.
| J.Kuzzey chapter 2 . 2/12/2013
Now this definitely feels more like a poem. Specifically that first stanza had an obvious timing and rhythm to it. I'm no expert in poetry, but I can spot that easily. "Haven't you realized? That all beautiful songs are sad?" Truth.
| J.Kuzzey chapter 1 . 2/12/2013
Just stopped by to check out a random work in between GBS chapters. Okay, do you have a really morbid sense of humor, or do I? Because I seriously laughed out loud. I'm not sure if you intended the end to be humorous, but it does have the timing like a comedy piece. ("It was about the Reichsprotektor," the kid whispered, "I dreamed that I gouged his eyes out." - and he smiled.)
Anyway, aside from that, I've always assumed that the majority of your works took place in the same universe. I will continue to assume this.
You've got a solid setup here. It feels like a strange mashup of poetry and prose. But then again, neither poetry nor prose is a science (regardless of what they try to teach you!). You've always had a strong voice in your works, and it only makes sense that I would see something written like this from you. The breaks in lines that give it that poetry edge also help set up the pace when reading. They're placed in perfect spots, I'd like to add (in my opinion at least).
| Complex Variable chapter 4 . 2/12/2013
I think that you're supposed to capitalize the first letter of the first word of a quote-within-a-quote (i.e. "Accepting".) Not sure, though.
Also, this incredibly lucid and straight-forward, by your standards. xD
| True Talker chapter 4 . 2/12/2013
This tends to Really make me think. For some reason.
| True Talker chapter 3 . 2/12/2013
This does make me think and want to be there for the one who wrote this. Really.
| True Talker chapter 2 . 2/12/2013
This makes me think. I makes me concerned for the one who wrote this. It just does.
| Complex Variable chapter 2 . 2/8/2013
Is a beautiful song sad because it is sad?
Or sad because it is beautiful?
Is beauty sadness?
Or is sadness beauty?
I know that when you sob and cry,
and when snot and mucus run down your face—
I know that that's not pretty.
Definitely not pretty.
But there is one thing I do know:
it would hurt a lot if the pebbles around us fell like leaves.
| Complex Variable chapter 1 . 2/8/2013
is this really poetic?
I don't think so. It's more prose-
-ish than your *more* poetic stuff.
you ever notice how
"True Talker" seems to give the same
review to everything you write.
She (he?) she writes
"This makes me think"
why does she write
"It makes me think"?
That makes me think.
Is she thinking about me
thinking about her
thinking about your writing?
Or am I overthinking this.
A new, largest prime number
was discovered on the twenty-fifth of last month.
It is over seventeen million digits long.
It is also a Mersenne prime.
Mersenne was a Frenchman.
The French basically surrendered to the Nazis.
Now you've gotten me writing about Nazis, too.
| True Talker chapter 1 . 1/22/2013
This makes me think.