|Reviews for Under the Angels|
| jesusfreakauthorgirl17 chapter 1 . 3/13/2013
I'm really impressed with the rhymes still!
The only thing I think this one needs is another rhythm thing. Try reading it aloud and fixing it how you see fit.
As for content- I would like to say that I know someone who does want "the love of a scarred and jaded heart". You can ask me about Him if you want. :)
| The Loved And Unloved chapter 1 . 3/11/2013
So powerful and I can relate(: I like this one! (Adds to favorites)
- Aka The Loved And Unloved
| Jeremiah Cecil chapter 1 . 3/11/2013
As soon as I saw the title, I was like "Okay... this is going to be good."
I was right.
I must warn you that I keep hearing something like slower version of Thunderball's "Gypsy Brandy" playing when I read this poem. (Yes, definitely more than once.)
The imagery is solid and fitting! It paints a picture just clear enough to give the reader the emotion of the writer without having to convey the whole story behind the words. Very good!
One note for criticism:
"They've left me here to rot
on this broken, barren land."
I think the these lines would flow a lot smoother if you used a slightly longer word in the place of "rot". "Crumble", maybe, or "perish" or "break down"?
The END, however... I'm squeamish about the end. It makes such an absolute statement that you as a writer just can't know for certain. If this poem is written to show the feelings and thought of one moment, then it's gold! but if it's meant to express a longer-lasting belief, then... oy vey.
Also, I know it's weird of me to hear hair metal when I read this, but hey... good lyrics need good music, right?