|Reviews for If Only You Knew|
| N.D.Iverson chapter 8 . 3/15/2013
I really liked your story. It was short and sweet but still eventful. Personally I enjoy the whole apocalypse aspect, its just really appealing which you wrote very well for the shortness of the chapters. Also adding in the Gods and Greek mythology adds another layer of intrigue (well at least it did for me).
I hope you do continue with the series, good luck on the 17 books!
| Isis 47 chapter 1 . 3/13/2013
Hi, I'm from that forum 'Review Requests?' First timer, so here's a critique for your first chapter:
'People ran by her on the streets screaming for help that no one could, or was willing to give.'
- Maybe add a comma after 'willing,' to make the sentence flow a little more. I also like the first paragraph, and how it gets the reader going.
'Creatures sprang from cracks in the earth. Prisoners of the earth's crust had finally gained their freedom. Pity it would not last long, but in their last few moments they caused hell on earth.'
- I think this would have gone a little better if you didn't drop 'earth' in all three sentences. I know that repetative words happen to all of us, and in a few stories, they may need to stay there. But I think just the last 'earth' could have stayed (I'm sorry, it's just that that kind of stuff kills a story for me - I'm a grammar freak :P ).
'The soldiers had spotted them now and ran towards them in order to protect them from any falling debris.'
- A repitition of 'them.' Otherwise, I really like it so far. :)
I really like this first chapter, and how it leads you right in - especially since it's all done and I can just read right through it. XD
But yes, I'll review again. If not, then please remind me - I'm not on here very often anymore.
| MaidenFaye chapter 8 . 2/19/2013
The story has a really interesting start, it grabbed my interest quickly. It was a little strange for me at the beginning, but then again i'm not use to stories starting off with little or no talking _'
I enjoyed the story alot :)
| WarriorArnelle chapter 1 . 2/4/2013
wow... traumatic beginning... But it definitely made me want to read more, and that's always important in a first chapter! I really like how you portrayed Grace here, how much she cares for her brothers, how she acts, how she sees what's going on around her... I can only imagine the emotions she's feeling, but you did a wonderful job of getting me on the right track! Your descriptions really help the reader see what's happening, and in this kind of setting, that's a wonderful, WONDERFUL thing to be able to do :) the reader needs to be able to actually SEE what's happening, and you do a great job of showing us that, instead of simply telling like I see a lot of authors- mostly fanfiction authors, but still- doing.
Great job, and you shall be hearing from me again sometime in the next couple of chapters!
| Nullbound chapter 8 . 2/3/2013
In my opinion, this story in its own content is a great prelude to another one, because although I read it as a story, it ended for me like a prologue, so technically it means that I'm interested in the other stories that you're planning to write (as you mentioned). To add pun to my comment, I consider this as 'the beginning of the end' or somewhat...
What kept me glued to your words, were the vivid descriptions that exist within the range of just a few sentences, seeing the image as what's larger than it seems, probably delving the reader into the apocalypse itself. As I read your story, my mind shifted to what I call a 'real-time' visualization; being at that place as it happened.
I'm also amazed by main character, Grace's steadfast pursuit of hope, despite all the antagonism towards her, up to the moment where she eventually reaches the pinnacle for sacrifice. Her feelings and expressions were so detailed within your writing.
So to sum it up, I'll point out the story's promising outlook when it came to concept, description, progression, and also turning point (which, I will add, was still a stunner for me!) As for grammar and stuff, I'm no expert, but I'm sure that people will consider your story as a professional-quality in that department; so no comment on that from me:D
Although the story had unanswered questions (again... as you mentioned), it's a worthy story even on its own, whether it's a teaser or not. _
| Luna's Child chapter 8 . 2/1/2013
Lawl, this was a very interesting story. Despite the confusion at the end, I really enjoyed it. Great work :)
| Luna's Child chapter 7 . 2/1/2013
This was a really interesting chapter. I'm enjoying this story very much :)
| ArmachiA chapter 7 . 1/31/2013
I like the premise of the story, but I have to admit I'm confused as to how Grace knows so much about her new form and the powers she has. Did she suddenly gain knowledge when she died? How come Kronus didn't know what was going on? Wasn't this his plan? I found it weird all this information came from Grace's mouth like she suddenly became omnipotent.
I think Kronus is fun, he seems like he would be interesting to get to know. I look forward to learning more about him. I don't know much about Grace and can't get a read on her personality as of yet.
The plot of the story is quite good. Having to rewind time from the end of the world is really interesting. I am looking forward to seeing where you go with it.
| ArmachiA chapter 3 . 1/30/2013
"She could care less" should be "She couldn't care less." :P
Okay, seriously going to keep reading.
| ArmachiA chapter 2 . 1/30/2013
I wasn't going to review until I read a few more chapters but two things stuck out for me here:
"No, they had connected with other pray" should be "prey".
"Its long neck snaked towards them until its face was only inches away, sizing them up to see how much of its belly they would fill. They were small, but they would have to do. Back in the day, when it had first been unleashed upon the earth, the creature had tasted this world's delicacies. These puny morsels could not compare in the slightest to the feast it had devoured."
This really confused me because it felt like it whip-lashed from Third Person limited to Third Person Omnipotent, I actually had to stop reading for a moment and ask why Grace knew that information about the creature, then realized what had happened. :)
I like the story for far, I don't know much about the characters at this point because there's so much action happening we haven't settled into any real character development, but the action is very well described and I can picture things in my head easily. I think that's a very important thing for a writer to be able to do, describe things well without being wordy and you do it marvelously.
I'm going to read more before I comment on the characters and whatnot, but I really like your writing style and it's very interesting so far!
| hidden-behind-the-stars chapter 6 . 1/30/2013
All these chapters were really good, just like the third. I'm sorry but this'll be short. I know I should go in depth and analyze the whole story but I just adore it!
| hidden-behind-the-stars chapter 3 . 1/30/2013
With how irritating my comments must be, I totally fazed out while reading this. It was so good that I just slipped into the story, if you know my meaning. I couldn't seem to find any problems with it.
Sorry if this is no help but I thought I should tell you that you did really well! I love this story soo much!
| hidden-behind-the-stars chapter 2 . 1/30/2013
I'm extremely sorry if I have absolutely no good help in my reviews... I seriously suck at these because I get lost in the story but... Still.
When it says "Another soldier led her brothers to a similar spot across the alley from her. Then the two of them disappeared after the others." It's not really bad it's just slightly confusing. I get what you mean but the sentence is just plain confusing.
The story seems to not flow well when the beast goes to attack the twins because the story is third person limited and then it suddenly goes third person omnipotent. Just stops the flow and makes it extremely weird to read.
It's extremely good!
| LightningBolt21 chapter 6 . 1/30/2013
I love Greek mythlogy (Huge Percy Jackson fan) The plot is coming around nicely. Always been a fan for the whole 'Going back in time' story line. I've always thought Kronus as a bad guy, but I can't wait to see what the 'past' has in store for him and Grace.
| LightningBolt21 chapter 5 . 1/30/2013
I really love how you have the actions of Grace match her memories.