|Reviews for Magic In Color|
| Tomaj chapter 7 . 2/20/2013
I really want some more backstory on this chapter. There are a couple of different conclusions I can come to regarding Kroger and something that leads from point B to point C - just wishing for a point A to understand how we came to point B to begin with. XD
| Flabbergasted Flock chapter 7 . 2/16/2013
I love this story. This chapter is confusing. But it's still good anyway.
[The bitch cut my check open.]
Given that "I" ranted a very long time on how bitch cut "my" face, check seems to be a wrong word...
| Tomaj chapter 6 . 2/10/2013
A few things. First, the first person perspective makes it hard to keep track of whose point of view we're talking from. Something to name the character would be really awesome. Conner definitely seems rather self-absorbed, so while it doesn't seem to fit into dialogue choices between he and Hector, something to indicate who is speaking would go a long way (possibly in one of his internal monologues?). That said, I actually had to go back a couple chapters to see whose perspective it was.
Second, there's a repeat of a thought: "The sword must be enchanted somehow." in one paragraph, then "He may have an enchanted sword, I think..." two paragraphs later. You could probably eliminate the first reference entirely.
Third, there was a very explicit reference to our antagonist's red eyes. I may be lacking some sort of context here, but from what I've gathered thus far, it should register as something that doesn't indicate JUST an un-sorceror. I might suggest putting that later, perhaps after the forehead-touching.
This chapter does seem somewhat haphazard in terms of cohesion and could probably use some cleaning up in that regard.
Other than that, I actually REALLY like his interaction with Hector; it's very entertaining. On the whole, well-written, it just doesn't flow quite right.
| Flabbergasted Flock chapter 5 . 2/10/2013
How do ya pronounce "LaCroix"? "
Oh, and [There was nothing left of the turtle after than so he showed us...]
There was nothing left of the turtle after THAN..?
| Flabbergasted Flock chapter 4 . 2/10/2013
Good job 8D
I don't know why, but I just dislike Holly. She's a little too "clingy" for my taste...
| Guest chapter 3 . 2/10/2013
'He's a bastard wrapped in bastard born to fufill a bastardly prophecy made by the seven sages of bastardly.' LOVED THAT PART.
Sheer awesomeness wrapped in cheese.
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/10/2013
You really deserve more reviews and admiration than what I can give. Love the vampires, the characters, the 'culture', so to say, the humor and everything else.
| Tomaj chapter 5 . 2/7/2013
So far I've been pretty interested in this. You do fairly well with changing how each perspective is written, though I worry that there are just too many characters to keep track of in such a short period of time (both with the "main" characters, as well as the background characters we need to keep track of as readers). As for this chapter, I don't understand the point of why Hawthorne is talking to Dorothy at all. If he were upset with LaCroix, one would assume he would get right to hounding him rather than some random private aside.