|Reviews for Eternity?|
| Lolitroy chapter 5 . 5/2/2013
She heard the door leading into the main room open and shut, - watch out for that.
I'm looking forward to see the relationship between Audrey and Soren develop! :D
Sorry for not giving anymore adive, hehe. All my opinions, I said on the last review.
| Lolitroy chapter 3 . 5/2/2013
I think the chapters are a bit short. I think you should add more about Audrey, because so far I don't know much about her, but I guess that's part of the story hehe. What I know about her, or rather her thoughts, is that she's afraid of dying from the experiment, and she seems like a good girl. Mr. Finnegan also sounds nice.
You could also add a bit more description, if you want. I dunno. It's just I've read stories and characterization are harder to develop with short chapters, but I guess it's you style as well. I suggest you write about, say, 1k words if you want each chapter to be short. Just an advice.
In terms of plot, the idea is realy interesing. But so far, all that has happened is a chat and Audrey waking up. Anyway, I look forward to read more! And sorry if I sounded harsh, heh.
| Lolitroy chapter 1 . 5/2/2013
Hehe... don't worry, I wrote one :3
In regards to construcive criticism, there's not much tosay, he. So far, I'm liking it, and the idea of eternal life sounds interesting!
| eylandria13 chapter 4 . 4/19/2013
I wish the chapters were longer but other than that it'ss written pretty well just sort of blended together I am curious so please continue!
| cappa1983 chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
Hi Laura - great start.
The story has possibilities. My main dissent from the other reviews is that the environment and, more importantly, Audrey's feelings and emotions, aren't described in enough detail. It's always a plus to have the reader fill in a few gaps from time to time. I feel that allows for a story to be personal, but when sci-fi is the genre...we as readers want to know the world, the setting, the environment and types of people that inhabit the area. Since you mentioned Cancer, does that mean it's still to be cured or has it progressed and now turned into a stronger form of the virus that current modern day medicine cannot help?
Also, just a couple of lines that talk about the compound and how she got there, maybe even hint at her personality. build on the character from the start - especially if she's to play a major role.
looking forward to the next chapter...
| lukequick chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
| braydog25 chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
great story has me on the edge cant wait for the next chapter