Reviews for Harold in December
Inkspilled chapter 1 . 2/4/2013
This is a lovely piece of prose poetry and I enjoyed reading it. The writing runs along smoothly with a steady rhythm and most of the line breaks suit it. The imagery and words used for description are very well chosen. I also liked the ending, especially the phrase "sharp calamity of elastic and twine", it's aurally pleasing. I did have a couple issues, but because poetry is so subjective, don't take them too seriously if you don't agree.
"I lingered on my tiptoes longer than was necessary just to
keep you still and guarded beside me;" - the line break at "just to" seemed sudden and 'just' also seems like an excess word- the piece would still work without it. I might consider moving "to" to the next line. Anyways, if you think that interferes with the voice of the piece, by all means ignore those comments. Another thing is the tense change. Lines 1 and 2 are in present tense "I watch you" while the rest of the poem is in past tense.