|Reviews for Short character introduction for Psychological thrilleraction novel|
| Writing In Ink Forever chapter 1 . 2/2/2013
Wow! This was REALLY good!
Patrick is an amazing character it seems. But did he kill his father on accident, or was it on purpose? I was a little confused on that.
But I loved this and can't wait to read more.
| Captain Buddha chapter 1 . 2/2/2013
Hello, My Endless Love. I just registered so I can't reply before the span of 24 hours but I think you can see this since you followed this page, I'm not sure how this works because I registered like two hours ago so I haven't done much.
Anyways, thank you for your feedback. Now when I think about these things, it makes a lot of sense so I think I'll edit it a little bit. Also that thing with "you know?" is because the character is speaking and not the writer, for example in LOTR J.R.R Tolkien couldn't write: "When Gandalf stood face to face with Balrog, some serious SHIT went down!" but he could write: "Now some serious shit will go down, Balrog! Gandalf yelled.". If that makes sense. I just wanted to be little more free with my writing so the story is told through Patrick's damaged mind.
| My Endless Love chapter 1 . 2/2/2013
The writing is decent. Patrick's character well fleshed out as far as I can tell. This is a small piece, but if the rest of your writing is constructed as well as this piece, I'm intrigued to read on.
A few minor edits:
5th line: It's a quite strange behavior It's a strange behavior
8th line: The second life I took was a persons, you know? The second life I took was a person (not persons, and I'd remove the 'you know? because we don't know) OR The second life I took was a human (because the first was an animal).
There are minor tweaks needed, but other than that, GOOD JOB! Could be an engaging story. I'd like to see where you take us. Patrick is a little scary and obviously flawed. There are many ideas of where his head is and where this could go.
Do you have more of the story, or just character intro?