Reviews for Take My Pride
S.H. Marr chapter 13 . 4/22/2013
Ugh. We hear more from Corey. His chapters just seem so...superfluous. He doesn't really have much going on besides wanting to date Mitch. We can get that from Mitch's head. You don't always have to get into a character's mind in a story for us to understand them, you know.
Guest chapter 13 . 4/22/2013
True, not easy to make a decent living...but still...once the burden of his mother is off (I hope she leaves or something), I hope at least he can complete his GED at night and work his day job...but even that is very difficult I agree. The best solution I can see is Corey lending him money to get his GED and attend community college and Mitch paying him back so that he is not forced to stay with Corey due to the free money. If he stays with Corey, that's because he really likes him.
Facella chapter 12 . 4/20/2013
I like this story. Sure, it's cliché, but this particular cliche is one that I actually quite like. Your writing is mostly pretty good. One thing that does agitate me a little (and probably only because I've been reading everything you've written so far in 2 days) is that you keep having your characters address each other with their names all the time. In a RL conversation, you probably won't be saying the other's name more than once or twice. That might be something to look into.
What I don't quite get about the plot: In one of the earlier chapters you said they had no phone. But they obviously do get calls. So did I just get that wrong? Oh, and is Corey the only customer who has that number? He said he didn't give that information to his tricks when Corey first asked him. And yet Amanda seems to be taking care of his appointments as a hooker. How does that work out?
Now, I might just have gotten it all wrong since it's close to 4am and I'm pretty tired, so if my tired mind's just playing tricks on me, I'm sorry.
Anyway, looking forward to more.
Skyless11 chapter 12 . 4/16/2013
It's true that Mitch and co could really use some help, but I doubt that pride is the only thing that keeps Mitch from accepting much help. I'd blame it on mistrust. Sure, Nick and his wife helped them before, he knows nick for a long while, but, from what I see, he simply is not able of "trust". And for that matter, most people with some sense. He did everything on his own, he learned that he is the only one he can rely on and that no one would help him, at least not in the way he would want to be helped (aka child protection services). Thing is, he would want help, I think. When he gets angry in this chapter proves it. But obviously, he only thinks of people he can, or could at some point in time, trust (his dad, mom, siblings). He's got some kind of fear of strangers. He's afraid that if he relies on others, he wouldn't be able to go back to sticking up for himself after that help doesn't come anymore, or simply, he is betrayed in some way or another. Hell, I don't have to provide for myself and I still wouldn't trust Nick or Corey for help, no matter how much I'd need it.
another thing that really touched me was his breakdown moment, It must be nervewrecking and heartwrecking to have such a cruel dilemma. He simply has to put in balance himself and his siblings, which probably had happened before, but not at this level: this time it's about love (well, taken to the future extreme which I suppose will happen), a feeling that can screw over any1, something that he probably unconsciously needs very bad - someone to love him, someone to love besides his siblings (which, again, as shown in this chapter, he still blames, even if just a bit, for the wretched situation he is in).
So... good going I guess. You created various levels that create dilemmas, making it both a complex story and Mitch a complex character.
Didn't see much of Corey this chapter, but we'll see him next chapter, right? :D can't wait.
Starryeted chapter 12 . 4/16/2013
Love it a lot!
marginal-utility chapter 12 . 4/16/2013
I hope Corey steps up and does something before Mitch kills himself!
quayjahn chapter 12 . 4/16/2013
I wonder, what would happen, if Amanda tells Corey, what's going on. That he does have feelings for him, we already know. I'm looking forward, to the update!
Guest chapter 12 . 4/16/2013
I hope Mitch finds a way out of his terrible situation, especially the prostitution, preferably without Corey's help.
S.H. Marr chapter 12 . 4/15/2013
Your writing drives me crazy lately. I'm not sure what it is. I have no idea what (if anything) you were writing while you were away, so maybe you've regressed in your writing during that time. Or maybe your writing hasn't changed much at all and I've simply gotten pickier and raised my standards a little. Or maybe a combination. Or maybe it's something else. It's not just the cliché plotlines, although that doesn't help. But it's something, and I think you need to start actively working on becoming a better, more effective writer if you want to keep writing.
Astir-Lewis chapter 11 . 4/8/2013
I needed this so bad. It's been a really sucky Monday, so it's been good to know that if anything else goes wrong, Take My Pride is here. Seriously, this just kind of saved my day from being a total shit storm. Your writing is really good, as always, that never changes. So thanks for being a constant :)
Ney13 chapter 11 . 4/8/2013
Totally just read Stefan's name as, good chapter:) I love these updates!
Skyless11 chapter 11 . 4/8/2013
xD awesome xD so, Corey is as smitten as Mitch I see. this might be fun. Well I exceptionally loved a thing in this chapter xD : "Tonight he looked like sex on legs." hahaha xD couldn't not laugh xD I can't but wonder if Corey was seriously sex starved or Mitch looked THAT good. Right now I'm trying to imagine how Mitch looks xD
Also the part with Corey's stage outfits? epic. I was on the verge of laughing xD
Was a funny chapter, really. I would love seeing you trying your hand at a comedy. Might turn out well.
marginal-utility chapter 11 . 4/8/2013
Poor Mitch, his baby sister is acting as his pimp! LOL
the old contemptible chapter 5 . 4/5/2013
This is a very odd story. The plot is boring, the sex scenes are just weird-the first time, I figured you were just trying to portray the lack of connection between Rent Boy and Rock Star, but the one in this chapter is clumsily written, and feels far too much like fanservice to retain any sort of plausible deniability.

As a matter of fact, it feels almost pornlike. Hopefully the rest (which I will read; why not?) won't just be an excuse for the characters to get it on.

NB: please don't think I'm flaming or trolling you. I'm only giving my honest opinion on this piece.
the old contemptible chapter 2 . 4/4/2013
The problem for me is the hackneyed "prostitute romance" that your story seems to employ. There are literally hundreds of these out there, most completely interchangeable. This one, unfortunately, is no different.

Every character is a well-used archetype. The plot is completely boilerplate. It gets to the point where I can almost predict the direction of every scene-and none of them, unfortunately, are particularly interesting.

The worst part is that many of your other stories were so much better. You created engaging fantasy worlds and even made up a language. But this is a paint-by-numbers exercise in blandness.

Oh well.
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