Reviews for Petrified
kimberlykarlone chapter 2 . 3/21/2013
A very original concept. I like the humourous infighting between all of the characters and how Crim complains about the more boring aspects of her job. Alot of charcaters thrown at us in the first chapter so I was a bit confused but as the story progresses I'm sure their personalities will become more apparent. Chap. Two threw me for a loop, as I was expecting to see the Valadian's adventure begin but geting to look into the journal brings out an unexpected plot twist in regards to Crim so the intrique fator has just grown expotentially! Great job so far!
Nullbound chapter 2 . 3/21/2013
Nice to see an update on this story. It's been a while.

I was surprised when I started read something that I never expected; a journal (a very feisty one, to add to that). The header reads like a case file entry while the rest was... well... like a journal. Completely deviated from the first chapter that I have read, this chapter takes a different turn. I really like the part about the appearance of the boy. The way you ambiguously described him, I find him scary. In my view, the writing leaned more towards a spoken manner than some of the written ones; but it had a good flow, and the style reflected the man's mindset at that time. Nice going there!

But I also feel sorry for the guy who got killed; his anger is pretty intense, and I could only wonder what it could lead to.

Well... that's all I can say, aside from the fact that I enjoy the mysteries that you place throughout the chapters. Let's wait and see on what the next chapter would hold in store. ;D
Evelina Duile chapter 1 . 2/26/2013
Very imaginative! I like how such a strange and exotic afterlife job still has its "paperwork" and boring report reading! There's alot of information here and it seems to get bogged down and confusing at times. I would suggest you start the first chapter or maybe a prologue with Crim in action collecting a soul, then you'll have some action to grab the reader's attrention then some mystery as to what is exactly going on, then maybe you can go back and explain record days and what Valadians are for. Overall, a great start!
TS Conlon chapter 1 . 2/13/2013
Aside for a few grammatical infraction (some of them could just be considered "writing style"), this was enjoyable. The descriptions are goo. The expositions were well-thought-out and well-timed. The interactions between characters were believable, and their personalities and actions were "human." I felt I was in the room with them. A good prose to be certain.

That said, this does feel like there's more to come. I will certainly be looking out for it.
Sombrette chapter 1 . 2/9/2013
Hey, from Labyrinth :)

So this was a nice beginning, and you have good details going on. One thing I liked was the character actions and how easy it was to picture their maneuvers and expressions. The concept is interesting and very original. I've never heard of this idea before so it has me intrigued with 'cleansing' through reading a persons journals. The main character's name is a mouthful lol As for the others, well, I'm not too sure about them. It seemed like too much at once. I didn't really mind when it was just the three of them in the room, but when her thoughts strayed to the others it was a little difficult to keep up with. That's way introducing a group of characters can be tricky. The main one, there's not much on her yet for me to have a grasp for her character. She seems a little aloof when her comrade was crying, but I wont judge this early into it.

The writing itself was good. I'd watch out when providing explanations for actions/spoken words. Sometimes the action/dialogue itself is enough and doesn't need an explanation. This is just to keep the writing tight.

Grammar wise, I couldn't spot any mistakes aside from a few issues with the dialogue formatting. So here's a few:

["But it's so long!" She complained,] 'She' should be a lowercase 'she' because it's starting a dialogue tag and it's still all part of the same sentence.

["Poor thing{.}" Geilm whispered before rising] - That period should be a comma, again because a dialogue tag follows not an action tag.

["That's right, Record Day." She drummed her fingers on the desk.] Here's it's correct because 'She drummed her fingers' is an action and an action starts a new sentence after dialogue. If it were to be 'She said as she drummed her fingers...' then you would have a comma after 'day' and 'She' would be lowercase 'she'

I won't point them all out but I think you can get the idea. Anyways very nice writing and a interesting beginning :)
Nullbound chapter 1 . 2/8/2013
I find the story strangely relaxing and heartwarming despite the 'death' concept of the mellow-themed story. That's a good thing exactly; normally, if a story is sad and depressing, it usually descends that way to result as more sad or depressing. But I like the way how you introduced an ordinary positive set of characters into a negative background to even things out.

Usually, I would focus on the character development, since that seems to be my strong point. But since this is just the first chapter, I was sad that I didn't yet know well enough about the characters' personalities. I may be hinted a few, but still didn't get in-depth with them. Perhaps in the next chapter, there would be a way that the characters could deviate more in their traits, so that a viewpoint could be set. Just a suggestion...

As for grammar mistakes and such, I found none that bothered me, and although this is slightly out of the grammar section, I did have some trouble pronouncing the names; where or how did you come up with such unique names? :p

Finally, the story is well rounded for its intriguing concept and atmosphere. The conversations are short and sweet, and fully complements the characters progression towards the next scene, and the descriptions are top-notch. My suggestion? It's worth the read, so keep it up!