|Reviews for 8 am to 3 pm|
| Lunarlilly chapter 1 . 2/16/2018
AMAZING story! Honestly love it, and I can't wait for more! Keep up the good work and please keep posting, okay?
| Dlombardi chapter 1 . 1/11/2018
Interesting chapter! I was hoping to see a little more action with a strong intro like that; I like the way you carried your protag with such flair.
The bold line in the beginning confused me a bit, was it part of a sentence in a prior series?
And I'm not too sure myself, but the Jesus reference might be off; I think it's more around late 1900's AD (If you are trying to say your story happened in 2011). Besides the reference's accuracy, it still seems out of place where it's placed in the chapter.
Austen came as a surprise. I liked his introduction though. When you were referring to him as creature, I was thinking of an actual spider... thing. Or something of the like.
A tip, if I may: Using passive voice mixed in with active voice isn't a bad thing, but limiting passive voice within active scenarios would help this piece read smoother. For ex. You can use 'was' when relaying past events or something in settling description. If you use 'was' in this sentence "He was jumping into the battle, unsure of his objective," it seems a bit detaching unless you said, "He jumped into the battle, unsure of his objective."
Hope this helps!
| Guest chapter 6 . 9/9/2017
I love this story so much and I hope one day you'll return to it! I hope all is well for you in the real world!
| Guest chapter 6 . 5/26/2017
Who the fark is Honey to Stephen!
| ashap chapter 6 . 5/16/2017
Thank you so much for updating this! I was obsessed with this back when I was too shy to leave a review and I spent a good couple months checking every day if it had updated and finding that it did was like the greatest gift ever!
I love your writing it has sooo much personality and never fails to make me laugh out loud but you still have no problem tugging at my heartstrings. And your dialogs are so good! Your characters play off of each other so well.
I love Austen, he really gives me a sense of someone that's secretly harboring a lot of pain but is hiding it behind a whole lot of humor which is very relatable. He's such a sweetheart and he's so adorable and his personality can be very over the top but he still feels genuine. I think that the fact that he's still able to have such a sunny disposition despite the bullying shows that he's a lot stronger than he thinks he is.
And ofc I love Stephen too, I'm a huge sucker for bad boys with a soft side (whether or not they want to admit it) it definitely seems like he has a lot more depth than your average bad boy character which is awesome and I'm super excited to see more sides of him.
And the relationship! The thing that made me fall in love with this story! They're so precious together, I love that they've both found someone they can relax with and feel safe with.
Anyway, the last two chapters were fantastic! I'm really enjoying the mystery that is Honey. I get the feeling that she's not so mentally healthy but beyond that I have no idea who she is or what their relationship is and I'm super interested to find out.
And this chapter was adorable, I'm still laughing at the "I can eat without having to grab at your cock" line. I loved getting to see Stephen open up more and seeing Austen possibly starting to develop feelings for the other.
Thank you for the chapters again! I'm so excited to see Austen and Stephen's relationship blossom more and finding out what the deal is with Honey.
| Fryvi chapter 6 . 5/13/2017
Hihi, Austen is cute :D
| Guest chapter 6 . 5/11/2017
Type your review enjoying it so far.
| Cheddar-Graham chapter 4 . 1/18/2015
For the RG EF
I like how you do the tension in the waiting in the car description of the finger drumming is spot on! I know a few people like that and I totally identify with Austen, especially with the extra anxiety of waiting (which I absolutely HATE doing). So anyway, I'm wondering why Austen has a driver but doesn't go to to some posh expensive private school, but I'm sure that will be explained soon. My current impression of Austen is now Richie Rich, only wimpy...
My regard for Stephen's decency is increasing in spadefuls. He really is a nice guy after all. On the other hand, Richard's appearance is a little sudden and a bit flat as of now. If he's the possessive type, then I expect him to be a little more protective of Austen. Ah, maybe he's meant to be the rival?
Finally, I think there's an error here - surely it should be Stephen's (not Austen's as stated) open palm that sent Richard flying?
No more updates? Argh, the frustration!
| Cheddar-Graham chapter 3 . 1/17/2015
For the RG EF
I like the reference to dogs. Austen kind of reminds me of one at the moment. A bloodhound, to be exact. He's actually much more capable than he appears to be, isn't he? I'm wondering why he doesn't just use his talents to, oh, I dunno, forge or plant some nasty info that could get the bullies expelled?
There, I knew it. Stephen is a DECENT HUMAN BEING. Not sure yet who this Honey is (mother who had him at 15? schizo sister? ditzy gf?) but I like how he's taking care of her and how non-judgmental he is about her lifestyle. All together now, Awwwwww...
| Cheddar-Graham chapter 2 . 1/17/2015
For the RG EF
Oh there it is again! That hint of Once Upon a Time that I just like somehow, but is so fleeting and coy. It's maddening, like a smell of something delicious when you're walking down the street looking for a place to eat but you can't tell which shop it's coming from. I also like how you've moved the story along all brisk and businesslike, and established the arrangement between Stephen and Austen very efficiently. All this while keeping my attention riveted to the page and a smile on my face.
On the CC-ish side, actually, I'm confused now cause I want more of the 'desperately want audience' tone in Stephen's conversation that fits with the fairy tale thing, but on the other hand, thugs shouldn't talk like that. I guess what I'm saying is that I'd like Stephen to be a little more consistent, I guess? But then that bit at the end suggests that there's more to him so I'll hold my peace on that for now.
| Cheddar-Graham chapter 1 . 1/16/2015
For the RG EF
I like how you manage to convey that Stephen is not a typical thug even though he may look like one and talk like one (and I suppose smell like one?) There's nothing tangible that I can put my finger on, but he just doesn't feel like a nasty to me. Instead I'm getting the 'misunderstood' or 'that's my strategy to be left alone' vibe. If that's the wrong impression, then I am SO sorry and I shall try my best to correct that in chapters to come.
I also like how there are hints of fairy-tale style narration, which I think goes well with the 'thug prince' title. It's rather subtle though - I'm wondering whether it'd enhance the effect in general if you upped the volume on that a little?
And finally I loved the description of an uncoordinated spider. Ahahahahaha
| Shampoo Suicide chapter 2 . 11/29/2014
Character: I really like Austen, already. I like that you've made him a bullied kid whose an expert in the art of self-protection, and his means of doing so were funny and clever as well. I also liked his interactions with Stephen, brief as they were, during this chapter. Your characters don't feel real, they feel better than real if that makes sense, like perfectly scripted fictional characters which I think makes it even more entertaining than if everything were perfectly realistic feeling. Sorry if I didn't express that quite right, but I enjoy it a lot.
Scene: The scene in the classroom was very entertaining for me. I was amused by Austen's attention getting method and Stephens reaction, and also by the mean teacher. Your humor has a lot to do with my enjoyment of this tale and it really shined in this scene.
Plot: I'm fascinated by Stephen's motives for helping out this pathetic kid, and wonder if he's not got his own reasons for helping him out beyond getting "services" done (which, haha!). I'm excited to see how their partnership goes from here on out. As an aside, the scene where this deal is sealed is also very hilarious.
Writing: You have a very funny, and almost quirky, writing style that I love and look forward to reading more of. A good example of this is in the opening where the way you chose to introduce Austen to the readers felt so funny and unique. I really like this!
| Shampoo Suicide chapter 1 . 11/28/2014
Plot: Before I begin, I wanted to note that all of your stories sounded so intriguing, it was hard to pick one. With that said, you have a gift for summary. This one drew me in and made me want to read it, and the first chapter delivered everything I was expecting and hoping for. The pacing of this chapter is nice, you introduce us to Stephen and provide excellent characterization for such a short bit, and we meet Austen soon after and conflict is introduced, given what we know from the summary and from the fact that this stranger he's had to rescue from the trash just kissed him on the cheeks, haha.
Scene: Speaking of, I thought that scene was sweet and excellent, and a nice way to introduce two characters who will be romantically linked. I like that they met under these strange circumstances and it's not an immediate attraction thing, since that doesn't always play out well, and also how vibrant a character Austen already is. In fact, they both seem pretty well realized from this short chapter already.
Writing: Your writing is clear and engaging, and I love the character descriptions you put in a lot. I think you weaved them in pretty seamlessly and it helped to picture everything that much more. I also liked the humor you write with, the fact that you have skill clearly shows and you don't take the story more seriously than it needs to be told. The tone is perfect.
Enjoyment: In case you couldn't tell, I really liked this and will be back for more! Your characters are interesting and make me want to spend more time with them, and the upcoming entanglements I can't help but wonder about are going to be fun to read. I thought this was excellent, glad I read it! :D
| YasuRan chapter 4 . 7/18/2014
I need to compliment you on your writing style. It's one of the most unique I've come across and very atmospheric. I get a lot of comic-book, Roald Dahlish, dark comedy vibes from reading this, which definitely sets it apart from most of the other romance stories I've read on this site. While Austen and Stephen do come off as cartoonish caricatures at first, there seems to be some hidden depths implied, especially in the latter's case and your depiction of his home life.
Also, I quite like how you begin your chapters. As I said about your writing, it does a great job of setting the scene and tone in just one line. Fantastic.
| Ventracere chapter 1 . 7/2/2014
Blub blub, hi! Anyways...
Style/writing: Okkay, so I'm going to start off a little bit different this time. This writing style seems a little bit different from your normal hit me in the face humor. It's a new taste, and I think I like it. The way you present the humor this time is much more subtle and for one, it's more focused on the surroundings and description as opposed to capturing your audience through dialogue and internal thoughts. Stylistically, this is a little bit different from the general I, you, he/she/it. For one, There was a point where you used "we" and I'm not exactly sure if that was accidental, which goes to say, I don't think you're going to disappoint with quirkiness (dare I say quasi-opague).
Characters: fun stuff. You don't make as big of an impact with Stephen, but instead, make a bigger impact with Austen Allard. For one, I didn't think "rubbish-skip" was a way to describe a human, but hey, hahah. He's an essentric sort of kid, and he's one that I think that is going to continue to bother Stephen (considering it seems like he maybe should have left the rubbish skip creature to its own devices). I'm more than a little amused that he smothered Stephen in kisses (it seemed like it is branded into Stephen's mind ahaha). It's only the first chapter, and I'm liking him already :D
Pacing: This moved a little slower, but one, it's only the first chapter, and two you made up for the slower descriptions with Austen Allard (seriously, like I said above, little essentric dude). Anyways. The pacing definitely sped up once you stopped focusing on the scene a bit and started working your way through the "action" portion of the chapter, and of course, this is where things really sped up like a snowball down a mountain. Stephen hears noise investigates helps Rubbish Skip Boy Maybe a little bit of uh oh.
Ending: Before I get to the ending, I think when you wrote [like a little girls'] it should have been "girl's]. Anyways. That ending reminded me a little bit of the mushrooms (Toads?) in Mario after Mario saved them. And when there are Toads, there are always more "oh nos" to occur. And in this case, Austen Allard is definitely a toad. The overwhelming gratitude would not have sent alarm bells ringing in my head if it weren't for the "Stephen didn't turn back" and "Little did he know that this was only the beginning of his troubles". Okay. Now I want to know if Austen Allard is his problem. I'm assuming yes, and I hope it's a pain in the neck. I'm terrible. But it's a cliffy, and cliffs are meant to be fallen off of in terms of endings.
Catch you around ;P