|Reviews for Talk to Me|
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/22/2013
Nice. Maybe a tiny bit better then the first one? It's hard to tell. Keep going!
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/22/2013
Wow! Great beginning! Please continue!?
| vickifay chapter 2 . 2/21/2013
Alright, nice second chapter! I am still wondering about several things, though.
For one, where is Maya's voice? And not the one she could speak with, but her personality, her feelings, thoughts. I understand that characters may not have much of a voice right away, but you should add some of what she's feeling in here. She claims that she may be dumb, and that others regard her as the school idiot, but does she really believe that? What are her feelings on those guys picking on her? I know if I was her I'd want to fight back, but she doesn't even think anything that gives away how she wants to react. She just walks through life like a kind of robot, though.
Also, you have some sentences that are run-ons. Remember to vary your sentence lengths, so that the reader doesn't spend the whole time reading one sentence, looking for a period. Here's an example:
"I am not even dumb, well technically I am but not really I can talk if I want to but I haven't had a reason to in four years."
You could easily break this into several sentences:
"I am not even dumb. Well, technically I am, but not mentally. I can talk if I want to, I just haven't had a reason to in four years."
On the bright side, I like Alex already. You described him extremely well, especially at the end. I like how he tells her his name, and just something as simple as that changes her world. She probably hasn't had someone be that nice to her in a long time. My favorite part is about his eyes:
"To call his eyes blue is an injustice, they are the sea and sky put together creating something amazing."
To call his eyes blue is an injustice; they are the sea and sky put together, creating something amazing.
Has no one ever tried to communicate with her through writing? I'm sure she and Alex could become friends if they wrote to each other. A little work and I'm sure you could pull it off!
| Jjohn chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
Personally I like the idea. You might try to make it a little more detailed. I like the idea like I said before. Keep up the good work.
| JimmyJ chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
So I noticed this story, when I was just snooping around. It seems good and you should continue.
| vickifay chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
This is a great idea for a story, it really is. I'd love to see where you go with this. But if this is a prologue, you seriously need to change some things. First, if you want to start out the story with a flashback to the crash, put in more detail. Don't just tell the reader that what Charlotte and Maya were doing, show them. Maybe you could include some dialogue, like the last thing Maya and Charlotte were talking about before Maya got hit?
You don't really need the last sentence. Show us Maya's reaction to Charlotte getting hit: talk about how she panicked/screamed/went numb and passed out, whatever. Then have the next chapter start in the present day. Maya doesn't need to tell the reader she hasn't talked since her best friend was killed, since that already in the summary.
I'd really like to see where you go with this. Good luck! :D
| Jet Engine chapter 1 . 2/10/2013