|Reviews for The History: Human, Witch, Vampire, Shapeshifter|
| IBelieveYou chapter 2 . 3/29/2013
Update please I'm so desperate!
| unconscious willpower chapter 2 . 2/17/2013
I like the idea behind the history here, but it needs a lot of work to clean it up. Since your on Labyrinth, I will try to point out what I see, but this may take some time. While a very interesting story in which most things are fine, you should still try to make your stories reader friendly.
The first paragraph could stop someone from reading anything else regardless of how pleasing your story could be.
In my opinion, Changing "Humans" to "Humanity", which means- the whole human race would be more fitting since you are talking about the beginning of a whole race.
You could also combine the first and second sentence by either adding a conjunction or progressive tense phrase. The second and third could be combined by changing the period to a comma.
This is a re-occuring problem, you have a few incomplete sentences.
Once again, incomplete sentences in the second paragraph.
In the third paragraph, you don't need the word "but" at the beginning of the sentence.
"He/ She" could be replaced with "they", and then wasn't would be replaced by weren't.
"Than" in 'differently than humans' should be "from". That sentence could also be connected to the next with a comma.
That should give you some idea of the grammar mistakes that are present in your writing.
What I really enjoyed about your writing was the content. Gods creating something and growing envious of it. A whole race of predators created to burden them from gaining their own form of godliness. It just speaks to a cunning mythos idealist in me. Having humans create a new, cursed race is also equally whimsical.
Make sure to read your work until you are pleased with it. Then it doesn't matter what other's think.
| The Invisible Stalker chapter 2 . 2/13/2013
I don't think it's that bad. You've got a strong plot and a whole backstory, I did notice some mistakes but as a writer yourself you should be able to find them and correct them.
| The Invisible Stalker chapter 1 . 2/13/2013
Not to sound rude, but as a writer you shouldn't be asking the reader to point out your mistakes.