|Reviews for Straight on Till Morning|
| Lowell Boston chapter 1 . 2/14/2013
This poem has a lot of potential. I've had problems with formatting and line spacing here on FP, so I'm not sure if you wanted to have all of your lines evenly spaced apart. If so, I would suggest breaking your poem down into stanzas, to focus and organize your thoughts and ideas. Next, cut out unneeded words. In poetry less is more, and more is revealed by distilling the body of a big poem.
When contemplating your line breaks see if you can have your poem read one way across, and another way down to reveal a new meaning. Last, a space between lines in poetry equates a pause in thought, or a place for a transition from one idea (or place) to another. Perhaps,
It's funny isn't it? How something girly
looks edgy, and winter makes me happier
But Fall is my favorite. Cold smells,
good after sunscreen, the world is prettier
Betelgeuse has been calling
my name and I just want to play,
but Andromeda is crying
about intellectualism, my dear
you've probably never heard of
it because you're too busy
wallowing in acoustic guitar tears
and electric stares, a glance
up the stairs and a dark room.
Take the above only as a suggestion. Thanks for posting.