|Reviews for Triplitiers|
| HybridStories31 chapter 2 . 2/24/2013
Where is home? What does home look like? Where were they sleeping? In their own rooms, a nursery, their parents room, etc?
Explain more about their upbringing. How were their lives normal when so many people were fascinated with them?
Just need to explain more and give more details. But you have a very good outline. Beef it up some and you will have a very good story.
| HybridStories31 chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
Too repetitive. Needs to be reworded. The first two sentences should be combined, maybe like this "Matthew and Felicity are in the emergency room, giving birth to twins." You don't need to specify that it's Felicity because it's already obvious that Matthew wouldn't be.
As for the next sentence try "She has been in labor for five hours"
What/Who is Ativan? Nurse? Doctor?
As for her screaming and yelling try "Her screams could be heard all the way out into the waiting room" Or "Her screams echoed through the room with the weight of her pain." Or something to that effect.
The hand thing is too repetitive. Just say that she was squeezing the life out of his hand, maybe add something like while her pain mounted so did her husband's pain as she was squeezing it
The transition to the birth should be better. Maybe "Just as her pain reached an almost unbearable level she gave birth to her first child"
" said their doctor," their doctor said,
" nurse, for vitals." nurse to have his vitals checked.
Again the next birth should be transitioned into better. Maybe "Her pain climbing again she gave birth to her second child"
" Five minutes in, and she" After five minutes
"The nurse had to take the child, for its vitals. As she was doing the vitals, she nonchalantly said" The nurse checks the vitals
" Now a neuter child was unheard of in history." Remove 'now' or add 'until'
Good beginning, but try explaining more. What does the hospital room look like? What do the doctors/nurses look like? What does the mother and father look like? Details, details, details. Keep up the good work.