This is a really interesting concept for a story and I must say I really like it so far! It is quite the unique plot and the characters and interaction are all great so far! Off to a really good start!

HERRO HERRO

You take a lot of care in describing Reika and Mikado. I don't know that it's to the maximal effect, though, because you don't describe anything that isn't expected. You go over hair color, eye color, and clothing, but there's nothing really deeper than that to stick with the reader, and if the reader doesn't think anything's worth remembering, than the description might as well not be there.

Your characters seem smug, in the first section. I think it's because of the overly sophisticated tone of the narration and your emphasis on their gestures. It seems like you want them to be seen as all powerful, kind, beautiful people, and we don't see any of their flaws. It's a good way to rub the reader the wrong way.

[It was right after the most frightening, bizarre, and incredible speech that he had ever heard.] This is a great opening line, even if it's only for a section. It establishes good interest and plays right in to the rest of the story.

[She was not, Keisei felt, exceptionally beautiful, and yet he found himself quite attracted to her despite that. Her straight brown locks were not bound by any accessories, just the way he liked it, and framed her sharp, thin face nicely. Similarly, her eyes were quite narrow, but her pupils were coloured with such a brilliant blue that he found it difficult to ignore them.] This description is much more interesting than the descriptions of the characters at the beginning, because you point out the flaws in her appearance as well as the good things. I'm noticing that you dump description in whenever a character is introduced, which seems sort of lazy. I would find other places to work in description to make it less transparent.

You don't have to put the thoughts in quotations when they're already in italics. But you only did that once - maybe you went through and fixed them, but missed one. IDK

I'm not overly pleased with the characters. They seem shallow and overworked. You focus so much on their appearance and clever dialogue that they don't seem much like people - more like caricatures of anime characters in some TV show.

The premise is interesting. I like the idea of having the characters narrating the start and the finish of the story, even if I don't like the characters themselves.

Your writing is very clean-cut. You hit the pacing spot-on, and the description holds everything together. There's just the right amount - I'd like different things to be emphasized in the description, but there's a good balance between it and the dialogue, so I can't complain too much. Your sentence structure is quite solid. From a technical standpoint, I'd say you're in the clear.

Interesting start.
-Liv

Hum. Right from the start I didn't like the way you opened with dialogue then went off on Mikado's description. The descriptions felt like info-dumps and I think it would be better if you spread them out more evenly. In my opinion, you try to cram too much information in this chapter, and a lot of those we could learn by watching the characters interact with each other and their environment.

I'm also not fond of your use of single quotes. It made me stress the words in my head while reading and the dialogue sounded unnatural. Most of the words are used in a casual way by the characters and I don't think they stress them or change in any way their pattern of speech for them, so you don't need them. If you really want to differentiate those words, I'd suggest italicizing them since they're not quotes. Same goes for [Material Ruler] and such.

What I liked was the setting, which sounded intriguing and original. I also think your writing style is good, strong and to the point.