|Reviews for Ana|
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 5/23/2013
Whether intentional or not (though I strongly assume this is intentional), I feel like this story works much better if "Ana" is taken to be a direct metaphor for anorexia personified, not as an actual person. As a real person, her actions are simply too sharp, her dialogue too blunt, the narrator's acceptance of her appearance out of nowhere and general oddity too abrupt, and especially at the end, awkward to believe as a real person (real people don't shadow you every step you make and collapse on the floor when you start to eat, etc.).
As a metaphor, though, she works perfectly. It explains what happened to the narrator's sister, and makes sense as something the narrator would resort to in her depression, confusion, and desperation to get closer to her sister *somehow*, even if it is potentially fatally unhealthy. It makes the flow of the story smoother and offers a unique angle of insight into what's going on in the mind of an anorexic as they struggle with it. So, I really enjoyed that technique and I thought you handled it well.
If there was one thing that felt like it could have been fleshed out a bit more, though, I think the end could use it. I was obviously happy to see her finally shucking the chains of her deadly disorder and putting some food in her mouth finally (and the way you described the stew "squishy like an eyeball" in particular, I thought was fantastic), but for some reason the ending did seem to come up very fast and then it was all over. (Or we assume it's all over - Ana "dies".) And I feel like that doesn't do justice to the fact that fighting such disorders and trying to recover from them is a grueling, extensive process (or, so I've been lead to believe - I've no practical experience in the matter).
All around, though, I think you did a very nice job. When I read 68 I was like, "Whaaaat? She must live in the UK..." and sure enough, your profile says you do, and I don't know exactly how grades translate over there, but I hope a 68 is a decent grade, because this certainly would have gotten an A if I were teaching.
| TheRagingQuiet chapter 1 . 4/23/2013
Omigawd i love this! I really do! You really set the scene well and i can see everything playing out in my head as i read it. Well done!
Sorry i'm not great at reviews. But basically what im trying to say is it's a really good piece. :) Thanks for sharing it.
| TheWorldBelongsToME chapter 1 . 2/25/2013
Having grown up in a household with one person shamelessly fat and one person shamelessly anorexic, I've never really been around anyone with any knowledge of the details of real dieting. For that reason, I found myself extremely amused by the character Ana- she's neurotic to the point of being OCD sometimes but somehow you still end up loving her craziness. I overall enjoyed the clean and simple writing style; I myself am too prudish to use first person that often ends up becoming one long rumination justifying every action of the protagonist, which is most often a projection of the author...however! I was very happy to find that wasn't the case in this story. You gracefully balanced reflection, memory, and narration, so that it was a pleasant read. The only thing I disliked about this was that maybe- perhaps- Ana's dialogue was at times too forward. In stories we tend to write dialogue far more frank and cleaner and more articulate than regular people ever truly achieve in reality; I sense a little bit of that in Ana's sometimes scathingly blatant dialogue- especially when with someone she hardly knows. However, I was able to dismiss it as basically a character trait, which Ana undoubtedly had. Good job!
| professional griefer chapter 1 . 2/20/2013
I just realized that the name Ana is like anorexia...that was really clever of you.
Okay. I loved how you personified anorexia. I thought it was really well done to make her a kind of heartless and cruel bitch, because to me it always seemed like that's what eating disorders were like. Ana, to me, was a perfect representation of anorexia. You did great.
What I didn't like was how instantly Jenny started accepting Ana. I know you had to make it happen for the story, but it seemed fairly unrealistic that Jenny would instantly start taking advice from a random girl she met at her sister's funeral.
Overall, though, I thought you did an amazing job. I would give you at least a 90, your teacher must be a hardass.
| No Need To Argue chapter 1 . 2/19/2013
Beautiful. Very sad and I love how Jenny defeated Ana in the end. Unfortunately it's much harder for most people to defeat that monster. I enjoyed reading this. I would've given you more than 68, maybe 86... ;)