|Reviews for Mya and the Djinn|
| IntensityxIntended chapter 3 . 2/13/2014
D: Oh no! That's really sudden and really hard to handle. I don't know what I would do if my family suddenly needed to split up. Great job!
| IntensityxIntended chapter 1 . 2/13/2014
Wow! I love the concept of the story! There's a sense of danger and mystery that I love and that makes me want to read more. I like the description of the characters and how fast things move in this story.
| Guest chapter 9 . 9/16/2013
Very interesting concept for a story. You have a good mix of foreshadowing and (for the lack of the proper term) fore referencing (giving terms and allowing the reader to discover them in context). I like the djinn mythos being used here, as it is rather uncommon as far as fantasy goes.
I do have to say that the relationship between Mya and Rune is a little confusing. It seems like they're good friends in one paragraph, but then in the next, Rune is acting both illogically and irrationally. (this latest chapter or two had me particularly peeved at him) I feel that, if you ever go back and rewrite the earlier chapters (a feat easier said then done, I know), I would put more dialogue and character-building interactions between them that fleshes out the somewhat antagonistic/competitive/jealous relationship between them. I think that there is a great potential between those characters for some interesting things to come out of it.
For the future, I would recommend slowing the action down a bit and giving things time to develop. I read quickly, so I might have had a bit of exaggeration on my end, but, again, let things develop and mature a little longer.
The bones of this story are awesome, and I think that you have great potential with this story. I want to lose myself in your world, but I need a bit more development of the surrounding culture and setting (which I think you're going to get into next chapter). All in all, a little slower pace on the exposition to develop the characters, settings, and trappings, and I think you'll be good to go! I'll be watching and cheering you on! Good luck, and keep writing!
| Newty4000 chapter 7 . 3/30/2013
It's a very good story I really enjoy reading it
| Astro1mac chapter 5 . 3/3/2013
First off, I would like to say that I thoroughly enjoy your story. It's an interesting premise, and any suspense is pulled off pretty well. I would however, like to point out that your dialogue is rather... clunky. "I am" "you are" and other such phrases tend to make the conversations less natural. I would advise finding a way to make their speech more casual.
| Lovecupid chapter 5 . 3/3/2013
You'll need to watch your grammar. I noticed a few mistakes. But other then the chapters being short keep up the great work.
Here is the mistakes I found:
You are supposed to use "there" instead of their: "Mom, are their other creatures out there besides the Djinn?"
I think you meant "angels": There are the angles
I think you meant "your": they will do everything to make you not an issue
| Lovecupid chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
I just realized the title so this will be mostly about Mya. I wonder if you'll do a story about Rune then? Update soon!
| Lovecupid chapter 4 . 2/21/2013
This is an interesting story. I hope that the twins won't be separated for long. I have a twin brother and when we were younger we didn't like being separated so I understand Mya and Rune's feelings. But now that we are older we don't mind being separated as much. I hope that they will be able to find each other again. Keep up the great work!