|Reviews for Crafting a Thousand Brick Walls|
| C. Auguste Dupin chapter 1 . 2/22/2013
The sentiment here is very captivating, and I liked how you built up the pace in the begining like the begining to a spell or symphonic cadence, but then you drop off the structure when you get to the line, "Never let anyone in, and keep the rest of the world forever out.", you start back after that with the "Guess" lines, but only once, and then your structure falls to the wayside of freestyle.
I liked certain imageries you used here as well the lines;
"Fighting and running and getting nowhere fast",
"Run, run, run,"
"Guess I ought to build up a thousand brick walls,"
I liked your combination of sentiments and imagery to paint a mind-scape of sorts for the reader to delve into and visualize easily.
(A note on grammer) I noticed in the last line "Might as well be forever alone and live as life of bitter sweet remorse.", the "and live as life" section, I think you meant to say "and live a life", but other than that a nice piece full of emotion.
My only advice as far as this piece is concerned would be to use the same structure all the way through or use free style by itself. Even though I feel the flow of this piece would be improved with a consistant structure you are the writer and at the end of the day your work should be as you think it should and it doesn't matter what myself or anyone else thinks. Try using your power words, (i.e. Fighting, Guess, Live), to reinforce the readers attention to the concepts which follow those words, and also use them with consistency in their number of occurances, for instance you use Fighting four times, but Guess six, and Live only twice, if you are going to use them in varying instances try building them up in consecutive occurances, (i.e. 2, 4, 6 or 4, 2, 4, 2), so they have a beat within their use as well as in their syllables. Experiment, have fun with it, even when writing about a serious subject matter it doesn't hurt to play around with your words and experiment with your flow, voice and style. Thanks for the read.
| True Talker chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
Reading this makes me sad. Why? Because I CARE.