Reviews for Tears
A Fire Rose chapter 1 . 2/26/2013
Hey, there! Obviously, getting on your profile worked this time :-) It's interesting to read about how music ties into life, because it's true. I've noticed in the first couple paragraphs that your sentences seem to be either only a few words, or three segments long and separated by two commas, without anything in between. One comment to laugh at myself, your sentence about Meatloaf teaching the girl about love totally through me off for a second because I was thinking of dinner xD Anyway, I love the description of the wine. The sentence that includes "sipped again at her drink" seems odd, because while I hear the term "sipping a drink," I've never heard it being sipped at. Jules says she doesn't think he asked her there to dump her, but I don't think you said where they are. What does "swinging her back over her arm" mean? Also, I love that segment about when people say "listen." So true. Right up there with "We need to talk." Some words seem odd in their context, like how the house would now "contain" her housemates, and how hair was "yanked" into a ponytail, which seems like a harsh word. Cary doesn't seem surprised by the breakup. Phone face down? Was she cheating with him? Oh, she texted Mel. Nevermind, I watch too many crime shows where there's always something suspicious going on. Haha, Airplane. Weirdest movie ever. Along with Napoleon Dynamite. I like the distinction between the girls' DVDs. Pretty good story! Any more, or will this be it?