|Reviews for Elemental Warriors: Volume One|
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 34 . 2/25/2015
Finally caught up!
'"Yuri said that Toru had the stamina of a raging bull."' - uh...
It would be much more interesting if Ryuji won, I think.
Takeshi's replacement huh.
All those foreshadowing, huh... I'll keep my guesses in mind...
1. '...ready to finally redeem himself after his upsetting lose against Ophelia.' - [loss]
2. '...feeling is confidence renew.' - [his]
3. '...finding her friend kneeled on the ground...' - [kneeling]
4. 'It took all of Sarohi's power...' - [Sahori]
5. '...the wing rustling the trees making the only sound.' - [wind]
6. '"I will literally rip your heart at shove it down your buddy's throat." - [and]
7. '"Should I notify his alpha the we need his… uh... assistance?"' - [that]
8. 'Her eyes meets her companion...' - [meet], [companion's]?
9. '"But I have a feeling was there.' - [he was]
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 33 . 2/25/2015
And suddenly, amidst tales of Ophelio's hormonal past, we got trouble high up with the Divine One. Why did you choose to make the time unknown?
'Oddly, Kana seems to be in a stupor, too.' - lol, suddenly, Kaoru.
'Nothing says hello louder than an axe in the face' - Anonymous.
Finally, Haruki shows his beast form.
Oh, a premonition.
Nope, not answering, just because. (trollface) :3
What Erebyn said. -u-
1. '...giving her assailant's hooded, blue and silver cloak and eerie shimmer.' - [an]
2. 'The room fills with an violent, orange light...' - [a]
3. 'The Divine One charges her assassin...' - [charges at]
4. '...only to find spinning kick heading for his face.' - [a spinning kick]
5. '"It seem that have fully master blood alchemy."' - [seems that you have fully mastered]?
6. '"But you're premonitions!"' - [your]
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 32 . 2/25/2015
'"You'll have to rip my head off, first."' - Your obsession with the word 'head' comes to mind, Mae.
Oh hai Kaz. Nice blouse you have there.
Dat dialogue. 'Conveniently, his silky blouse opened to expose a well-muscled, hairy chest.' Dat description... -w-"""
'The group relaxes, letting out a mixture of relieved sighs and annoyed grunts.' - lol so it's okay coz he's... gay? -w-"
'Kana stands to show his snuggly fitted, wet loincloth.' - I'm suddenly tempted to write another Ophelio. Then I remembered it was Dnight's week. Well, another time, Mae, another time.
Knowing the cycle of your female teammates can be a matter of life and death. Mae's world.
You just have to make Kaz the bad guy, huh... borderline M-material, dangit. Kaz has a mustache?
Dat ending. Hah.
1. 'He pounced Kazuo...' - [pounced on]
2. '"I'm know magic, too! I'm can use my dark sorcery to make a barrier."' - [I], twice
3. 'Lead by Toru, Ophelia approached a cluster of saplings.' - [Led]
4. '"She hasn't went into heat."' - [gone]
5. 'Kaeda says.' - oh hai genderbent Kaede.
6. '"If you body wants to..."' - [your]
7. 'Ophelia's crying seemed to had made Kazuo's smile grew wider.' - [have]
8. 'With is free hand...' - [his]
9. 'If she give up, will the nightmare end sooner?' - [gave] [would]
10. 'The treetops suddenly rustles...' - [rustle]
11. 'Satisfied that the limp was now useless...' - [limb]
12. '...and each wound Kazuo opened were closed within seconds.' - [was]
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 31 . 2/24/2015
Well, been a while since my last Ukemental review.
Suddenly, tentacle. So... Toru can change into a tentacle monster? *shot*
'"We must stop your sisters from tainting Ophelia's innocent mind!"' - reminds me of a fujoshi mom I know trying to keep her children's innocence. :3
That ending... now I understand Erebyn and Loli's review.
1. 'Birds sing and forge at its bank.' - I think you meant [forage]. '...running in on all fours and causing the forging birds to flutter away in a panic.' - same.
2. 'Ophelia's big, violet eyes blinks rapidly while Yuri snickers quietly.' - [blink]
3. '...at a black, fury appendage sticking of the water.' - I think you meant [furry]. Ew, though, eww...
4. 'Kaeda says.' - [Kaede]. Still, Kaeda sounds like a genderbent version... oho. *w*
5. '"I've never seen a inukonjou in his beast form..."' - [an]
6. '"We're are gonna clash and argue, but that doesn't mean..."' - [We're]
7. '"She won't bare you a strong litter."' - [bear]
8. '"I must disagree, Daika." Toru said.' - [Daika," Toru said.]
| some1eleven chapter 33 . 2/23/2015
Honestly... I can't even say that I read these last three chapters. I more or less just skimmed through them, and even then what I saw made my skin crawl :\ You really should post some warning about this arc, Mae. A lot of this material just plain grossed me out :( There's just... Ugh, I think I'd better cut it now. Suffice to say, some of your readers might not be the target audience for *that* sort of thing. It'd be really nice if you could give them an honest warning so that they can just skip it over ._.
| some1eleven chapter 31 . 2/22/2015
... okay... Now that's something I don't get. How come half of RAOSC and their moms fawned over chapter 20, but no one blinks at the end of this chapter? ._.
Honestly... Do I want to read on? :/
| pinksamurai1014 chapter 34 . 1/24/2015
aww, Toru has a kohai :D..Ryuuji beat him but still respects him, cool pup!
Anyways, Octavian and amate seem mysterious. Wanna see more of them since they work for Arashi pack...
Cool chapter :D.
| Guest chapter 29 . 1/24/2015
Young Ophelia is way too cute. Can she get a spin-off of her own? *w* And Ophelia in a kimono needs to happen. Fullstop d v b
| Guest chapter 28 . 1/22/2015
Opheliaaa! Can you please call Toru 'Onee-sama'? I have a friend who'd love to hear that U
| Guest chapter 27 . 1/22/2015
1) I never noticed Toru picked the rifle .-.
2) Toru is going to be in any shape to fight? :/
3) Not sure, but I'd better get my popcorn ready *w*
4) Definitely. The flashback worked just fine, especially divided as it was. Then again, it doesn't mean much seeing how much I abuse the same approach 'x]
| some1eleven chapter 20 . 1/17/2015
... I can't think of any other comment -_-' Oh dear me. These guys are almost as bad as RAOSC the moment sex becomes involved _ That said, it's actually pretty moderate. Judging by the reputation in the forum, I was expecting something really extreme, but... It's actually perfectly tasteful. Plenty of talk, but nothing explict happens. Trust RAOSC to make much ado about nothing ':}
Other than that, I like the direction it's taking. The big, overarching plot with consequences going way beyond just Pack 17... That big war on the horison sounds exciting * w *
Water is resilience. Oh, I see. That explains. A *lot* :3
| some1eleven chapter 19 . 1/17/2015
I'm going to laugh so hard if he doesn't remember a word if this conversation the next day :D
"Greetings, pup. Have you made your decision-"
"Uh... Have we talked before? -_-"
That said, the girl is pretty stupid for a spy. Falling for an obvious bait like that where a simple slap would do :3 Good job, runt. Just, uh, remember what you heard tommorow XD
| M.R. Hill chapter 1 . 1/16/2015
One thing I’ve learned from all my study of story craft is that the very first line has to be incredibly hooking for the reader. Something interesting, attention-getting, and so forth. Or really, when stripped down of everything, it’s basically whatever peaks curiosity. For me, the contrast between this person travelling while unprepared overall lead me in well enough. I did find myself curious just where was this leading to and what could possibly befall them.
I do think you could use the setting a bit more with things early on for weaving together well. More a part of me thinks that it would help if you described it a bit from perspective of what these demons pick up really to help draw more into the world outside of just the sights. On the plus side, I am glad you don’t go on for too long or anything since description that goes on for too long I’m more likely to skim over and forget elements of.
There is something I’m wondering actually with the introductions. I mean, if they’ve known each other for so long and all, why did he need to say his name to her and so forth as if this was the first time they ever met? Right now I’m just going to interpret it as his formality and so forth in things. Kori overall seems pretty fine starting out and got an early sense of responsibility and something of laidbackness starting out.
I did feel myself feeling sorry for this little girl and the overall situation she started out here in. I am actually curious to learn more about where things are going to go with her now that she’s been taking in by these two. Plus I can imagine they’d be a great character to use to introduce things progressive throughout. As an aside, I actually am glad you paced things well so far and I really feel I’m being allowed to be progressively drawn into this world as opposed to having too much to handle. As a prologue, this works well
First up, the Inuyasha influence is definitely coming through strong early on. It’s the thing I’m getting this biggest feel for as I’m thinking of all the forests they walk through (or things like Sesshomaru travelling alone or whatever), the whole random meetings, the formality between the two sides, half breed stuff with demon dogs, and the talk of seals. That and the abandoned kid. It’s too early for me to make much an impression yet, but I am curious to see how you’ll really make this your own. I’m not one to really let similarities interfere with my liking, to note. Or more what I am hoping to see with this is you taking the concept and clearly making it something of your own instead of just reproducing the same formula alone. There is a bit of Dance in the Vampire Bund I’m also picking up with the whole dog thing setup too, but it’s faint. I think it’s just the whole servant type deal thing plus dog stuff in particular.
about the parenthesis part there in the story early on seems unnecessary placement. Like, the way it’s said there feels kind of like a note than organic to the story.
the opening part of “A canine-like creature, an inukonjou, stalks the man”, I think it would be more powerful for you to use double dashes here so it reads “A canine-like creature – an inkunjou – stalks the man. The reason is because the double dash highlights what it is stronger than commas do. Plus it places what it is far more in the limelight.
part of made alpha yet, might be best to just go “And no, I haven’t made alpha yet” there.
| some1eleven chapter 18 . 1/16/2015
When three women talk, the result is a kashimashi (squabble). You've got to love Japanese proverbs at times like that :3 And Toru, um... You sure it's not a Brazilian TV drama? It sure sounds like you're in one XD
| some1eleven chapter 8 . 1/12/2015
The City of Peace... That description was just so good to rea As much as I enjoy the work as a whole, this chapter gave the whole story a new breath. We learn so much from it - not just about the city itself, but about the whole world. The history of the town tells us so much about the relations between humans, half-breeds and full-bloods, and the fact that the city is so special tells us even more. The part about the politics between the city and its human neighbours was delightful, too. Out of sudden, the affairs of the pack are not just a simple mission anymore; they're now a part of a bigger picture. There's a whole big world in the background, and what they're doing both results from and affects this world u
At the same time, it reminded me many questions that I had while reading the story so far. EW gives a feeling that there's a strong idea and background behind it, but at the same time, it's never elaborated on. We get to see some things when they're shown, like the elemental types, but a lot of the very basic stuff is a mystery. What are the Inukonjou? What about half-breeds, how come they're all canine? Are Inukonjou all canines, as well? While we're at it, what are Elemental Warriors and how are they different from the 'regular' half-breeds? Is it the name of the society, or are all who can draw their elemental weapons called Elemental Warriors? While we're at it, how do the Elemental Weapons work? Can they only be used by half-breeds, or do the full-bloods have access to them, too? What about the Marks?
I've been pondering all these things while reading the first chapters, hoping that sooner or later I'll read a little more about them. A lot of the fantasy writers have what I call the Tolkien problem: So much world-building that it completely drowns the plot. Elemental Warriors avoid this almost too well: We learn so little about things that aren't directly related to Pack 17 :) While I still like it a *lot* better that way (too much world-building can kill any book dead), I think adding just a little extra info here and there would help the story a lot. Not too much, literally one or two sentences every now and then, so that they build a little bigger picture. Pack 17 is illustrated really well, but it'd be nice to find out more about the world they're living in :3
Kana... orz -w-; Way to go pushing the plot forward by doing something stupid. Then again, it gives you some interesting role in the plot '3