|Reviews for Elemental Warriors: Volume One|
| some1eleven chapter 20 . 1/17
... I can't think of any other comment -_-' Oh dear me. These guys are almost as bad as RAOSC the moment sex becomes involved _ That said, it's actually pretty moderate. Judging by the reputation in the forum, I was expecting something really extreme, but... It's actually perfectly tasteful. Plenty of talk, but nothing explict happens. Trust RAOSC to make much ado about nothing ':}
Other than that, I like the direction it's taking. The big, overarching plot with consequences going way beyond just Pack 17... That big war on the horison sounds exciting * w *
Water is resilience. Oh, I see. That explains. A *lot* :3
| some1eleven chapter 19 . 1/17
I'm going to laugh so hard if he doesn't remember a word if this conversation the next day :D
"Greetings, pup. Have you made your decision-"
"Uh... Have we talked before? -_-"
That said, the girl is pretty stupid for a spy. Falling for an obvious bait like that where a simple slap would do :3 Good job, runt. Just, uh, remember what you heard tommorow XD
| Thieves R Us chapter 1 . 1/16
One thing I’ve learned from all my study of story craft is that the very first line has to be incredibly hooking for the reader. Something interesting, attention-getting, and so forth. Or really, when stripped down of everything, it’s basically whatever peaks curiosity. For me, the contrast between this person travelling while unprepared overall lead me in well enough. I did find myself curious just where was this leading to and what could possibly befall them.
I do think you could use the setting a bit more with things early on for weaving together well. More a part of me thinks that it would help if you described it a bit from perspective of what these demons pick up really to help draw more into the world outside of just the sights. On the plus side, I am glad you don’t go on for too long or anything since description that goes on for too long I’m more likely to skim over and forget elements of.
There is something I’m wondering actually with the introductions. I mean, if they’ve known each other for so long and all, why did he need to say his name to her and so forth as if this was the first time they ever met? Right now I’m just going to interpret it as his formality and so forth in things. Kori overall seems pretty fine starting out and got an early sense of responsibility and something of laidbackness starting out.
I did feel myself feeling sorry for this little girl and the overall situation she started out here in. I am actually curious to learn more about where things are going to go with her now that she’s been taking in by these two. Plus I can imagine they’d be a great character to use to introduce things progressive throughout. As an aside, I actually am glad you paced things well so far and I really feel I’m being allowed to be progressively drawn into this world as opposed to having too much to handle. As a prologue, this works well
First up, the Inuyasha influence is definitely coming through strong early on. It’s the thing I’m getting this biggest feel for as I’m thinking of all the forests they walk through (or things like Sesshomaru travelling alone or whatever), the whole random meetings, the formality between the two sides, half breed stuff with demon dogs, and the talk of seals. That and the abandoned kid. It’s too early for me to make much an impression yet, but I am curious to see how you’ll really make this your own. I’m not one to really let similarities interfere with my liking, to note. Or more what I am hoping to see with this is you taking the concept and clearly making it something of your own instead of just reproducing the same formula alone. There is a bit of Dance in the Vampire Bund I’m also picking up with the whole dog thing setup too, but it’s faint. I think it’s just the whole servant type deal thing plus dog stuff in particular.
about the parenthesis part there in the story early on seems unnecessary placement. Like, the way it’s said there feels kind of like a note than organic to the story.
the opening part of “A canine-like creature, an inukonjou, stalks the man”, I think it would be more powerful for you to use double dashes here so it reads “A canine-like creature – an inkunjou – stalks the man. The reason is because the double dash highlights what it is stronger than commas do. Plus it places what it is far more in the limelight.
part of made alpha yet, might be best to just go “And no, I haven’t made alpha yet” there.
| some1eleven chapter 18 . 1/16
When three women talk, the result is a kashimashi (squabble). You've got to love Japanese proverbs at times like that :3 And Toru, um... You sure it's not a Brazilian TV drama? It sure sounds like you're in one XD
| some1eleven chapter 8 . 1/12
The City of Peace... That description was just so good to rea As much as I enjoy the work as a whole, this chapter gave the whole story a new breath. We learn so much from it - not just about the city itself, but about the whole world. The history of the town tells us so much about the relations between humans, half-breeds and full-bloods, and the fact that the city is so special tells us even more. The part about the politics between the city and its human neighbours was delightful, too. Out of sudden, the affairs of the pack are not just a simple mission anymore; they're now a part of a bigger picture. There's a whole big world in the background, and what they're doing both results from and affects this world u
At the same time, it reminded me many questions that I had while reading the story so far. EW gives a feeling that there's a strong idea and background behind it, but at the same time, it's never elaborated on. We get to see some things when they're shown, like the elemental types, but a lot of the very basic stuff is a mystery. What are the Inukonjou? What about half-breeds, how come they're all canine? Are Inukonjou all canines, as well? While we're at it, what are Elemental Warriors and how are they different from the 'regular' half-breeds? Is it the name of the society, or are all who can draw their elemental weapons called Elemental Warriors? While we're at it, how do the Elemental Weapons work? Can they only be used by half-breeds, or do the full-bloods have access to them, too? What about the Marks?
I've been pondering all these things while reading the first chapters, hoping that sooner or later I'll read a little more about them. A lot of the fantasy writers have what I call the Tolkien problem: So much world-building that it completely drowns the plot. Elemental Warriors avoid this almost too well: We learn so little about things that aren't directly related to Pack 17 :) While I still like it a *lot* better that way (too much world-building can kill any book dead), I think adding just a little extra info here and there would help the story a lot. Not too much, literally one or two sentences every now and then, so that they build a little bigger picture. Pack 17 is illustrated really well, but it'd be nice to find out more about the world they're living in :3
Kana... orz -w-; Way to go pushing the plot forward by doing something stupid. Then again, it gives you some interesting role in the plot '3
| some1eleven chapter 1 . 1/7
So many Japanese words first thing in the evening. Can I have a dictionary, please? X3
The first chapter was short and sweet, a very decent introduction into the story. I already love your dialogue to bits; writing that sort of dignified speech is often a real trap, but you carry it out perfectly. You've got to love how many cues your characters carry across without losing any grace of speech :)
The Japanese words in the text were... confusing, to say the least. I'm afraid I didn't undetstand a word out of the description of these clothes 'x] I understand keeping to the Japanese flavour, but frankly, I couldn't build any image of the character because there were so many words I didn't get. I'm not sure if that's what you were aiming for ':)
The chapter itself is a pretty good proof that you don't need explosive action to throw a good hook. There's so little happening, and it still manages to drae the reader in OuO I'm particularily curious about the small girl. Is she the protagonist in her youth? Or a major plot significant character? Off to the next chaptets with me to check! u
| Pinksamurai1014 chapter 17 . 12/21/2014
Kana :) the old dog is learning lol
| Pinksamurai1014 chapter 15 . 12/21/2014
Lol toru really is a ladies man
| Pinksamurai1014 chapter 33 . 12/22/2014
Aww.. Go toru !
But, I like Ophelia better than those 3 sisters. Humph..
| Pinksamurai1014 chapter 14 . 12/21/2014
pff.. hahahaahahah toru and losing his mojo!
why did mojojojo come to mind lol :D
| Pinksamurai1014 chapter 13 . 12/12/2014
Poor miko. No it was needed for Kana to grow. :) lol seriously, that so wring..lol ..I gently put you in my mouth. Lol, now I see what you meant lol
| Pinksamurai1014 chapter 5 . 12/9/2014
Didn't sign in, but it's me, pink
Oh, mm...I might be overlooking, but is tour and Ophelia a cannon couple?
So don't like the master mind guy. :) but cool
| Pinksamurai1014 chapter 7 . 12/10/2014
Lol poor kana..he needs hugs. Lol..Isamu ruined his moment of watching hug heart warm moments lol, 'should we hug too?'
| Multiverse chapter 4 . 12/5/2014
Were finally back!
We just now noticed that all your characters have such AWESOME names. Toru, Ophelia, Naomi...So epic.
You seem to have done your homework on actual Japanese folklore, not just Anime in general. That sort of gives this story a certain sense of purity, if that makes any sense. Very commendable.
Please keep up the good work and we will be sure to drop you more reviews soon!
P.S. Sorry for taking so long with return reviews. We were out of the country on business and just recently returned home.
| Pinksamurai1014 chapter 3 . 12/5/2014
Whack..haha well, kana sure got the message. But it good he got a liniment ( oops wrong word) but I mean less harsh punishment and alive :)