|Reviews for Elemental Warriors|
| Guest chapter 4 . 12/27/2013
Well, it's nice to see that they aren't being made to rely on their newest team member so soon after his recruitment, being a recovering mass murderer and all. This should give us some time to actually get to know some of them better. Again, the lack of a central POV character is really hurting the narrative. The structure and pacing just seems so unfocused, and the narrator being completely separate from any of the characters doesn't seem to be contributing anything, while putting distance between the characters and the reader. You might as well focus on one character's POV.
While the present tense style is good for fast-paced action scenes, it's terribly offset by the almost conversational tone of battle scenes. There's just far too much telling, often vague ("Kana put up an expert defense,") and you lose a lot of the energy necessary to do a battle scene because of it. "Ophelia summons her axe and swings it at the beast's snout, keeping just close enough to grab the canine's attention, but far enough to refrain from causing injury." It's a long, cumbersome sentence, not particularly clear about how she's swinging an axe without trying to hit anything, and it just sort of stops you from building up any tension or momentum that might come from engaging in a difficult battle to just subdue an enemy that won't hesitate to smash them to bits.
| TheBloodEdge chapter 15 . 12/29/2013
Ah, I went through the past chapter and forgot that Ryuji was just doing his job when he burned those bodies. Brutal, but I guess it's okay.
But, maybe everyone could've raised an eyebrow about such violent methods, at the very least.
Anyway, I guess the team's all assembled now. So far, the best character is definitely Kana since we get to see all the sides of him and the depth of his character. Ryuji was just introduced, but he seems to be interesting. Even Toru has go something going on with that amnesia. Ophelia and her hobo past, Haruki and his stealth mentor attitude. I think the least fleshed out was Naomi since we didn't get to see the best of her, even when it came to conquering her acrophobia.
It's a good story so far, though, so props to you.
| TheBloodEdge chapter 14 . 12/29/2013
WE NOW HAVE A YAOI THREEWAY BETWEEN TORU, KANA AND RYUJI! HURRAY! THREE BEAVERS ARE BETTER THAN TWO! THEY'RE THRICE THE COOL!
Yeah, I think this chapter really sets Haruki's personality in place. He's a sort of Stealth Mentor that doesn't exactly do things one would expect.
The relationship between Kana and Ryuji may be something to look forward to, in the least gayest way possible I think they'll have a tighter bromance going down, even tighter than anything else.
Oh! And I think Ryuji is in for some punishment for killing some guys and setting fire to their corpses, it'd suck if he didn't.
| TheBloodEdge chapter 13 . 12/29/2013
"Did you successfully merge with your brother?"
Sorry, but I read that wrongly.
Oho, that stinger in the end! This conspiracy even stretches out to the Society.
I think you're handling Kana better during the later chapters. Early on, everyone's treatment of him raised eyebrows, but now, I can kinda see it working.
Oho, TORU YOU WOMANIZER YOU! FIRST YOU TAKE OPHELIA, NOW YOU'RE BANGING YUKI! NOW HE JUST NEEDS THE GAY OPTION IN KANA AND HE'S SET! WHEEEEE!
| TheBloodEdge chapter 12 . 12/29/2013
Atta girl, killing off innocent little boys. Hahahaha, I was laughing maniacally as I read that. Yes, this is most excellent. One's ability to kill off characters is a grading of their capabilities as a writer.
So, Kana's goin' berserk one more time! How will Toru solve this pickle! PREPARE YOU ANUS FOR RAMMING, BABY!
| TheBloodEdge chapter 11 . 12/29/2013
Hoho, return of Takeshi, I see?
I'm don't exactly have much to say about this chapter, frankly.
| TheBloodEdge chapter 10 . 12/29/2013
Yeah, we needed that. I wasn't very in tune with the character relationships here.
| TheBloodEdge chapter 9 . 12/29/2013
Well, this is a pickle. The Devimon-Expy Conspiracy seemed to involve full blooded werewolves at first, now it's humans. My guess is that this little Illuminati-esque group are like full bloods who are completely against the mixing of genes.
Hoho, this Yuki seems like my kinda girl! Short haired blondes who can fight give me the shivvies!
Not much for me to say here honestly...
| TheBloodEdge chapter 8 . 12/29/2013
Yeah, I saw this theme coming.
The problem I find with the half-breed deal is... Wouldn't it involve bestiality...? I uh, don't wanna talk about it.
Oh well, this mission looks like it'll spark quite a good deal of dialogue against racism, so I just hope it's not too anvilicious.
| TheBloodEdge chapter 7 . 12/29/2013
Aww, Toru and Ophelia is... GETTING IN THE WAY OF MAH YAOI! SHIP SINK SHIP SINK SHIP SINK!
Ultimately, I feel like this entire arc was pointless. I mean, I'd expect the three fear-facers to know something like people not dying when they drain of MP. It just seems like a basic knowledge that anyone associated with the Society should know.
Well, at least we got some decent development. I like how Naomi is afraid of heights, despite being expected to fly.
But what's with Kana? He shows himself off as a prodigy, but he seems to know so little...
Ahem! You're not converting me into a furry with hot dog-girls! Hotdog girls? What?
| TheBloodEdge chapter 6 . 12/29/2013
Huh. So the magic system here depletes HP instead of MP? What a shit system!
It's ironic that Kana's afraid of water. Him and Toru are like, so yaoi it hurts.
Oh well, I think this trial will be good development. They say the best characters are the ones who have overcome their fears...
| TheBloodEdge chapter 5 . 12/29/2013
Okay, this was a very good chapter. Nice action, good characterization, I couldn't ask for more!
Plot's already setting into motion. Mysterious organization brainwashing people with bands... Seems like the first season of Digimon when Devimon was putting gears in every villain.
Okay, if everyone was chummy with Kana AFTER this chapter, I'd feel better about it. He saved their lives here, despite being told to stay back. I think they'd be more forgiving toward him after this event, instead of directly when he joins them.
| TheBloodEdge chapter 4 . 12/29/2013
I'll be frank, if I had Kana as a new recruit to my team, I'd feel very uncomfortable and not excited...
I wonder how everyone gets the scrolls. Owls? Well, there needs to be some form of communication...
Okay, so this arc is about Roku, a guardian gone rogue. I hope you handle the cast's reaction towards him a bit more realistically than with Kana.
You're dropping exposition and characterization bit by bit, and I think that's good. You're not holding our hands when it comes to information so we have to perceive the hints you give through dialogue and action properly.
| karnivallo chapter 5 . 12/29/2013
I'm a little confused, the main character is Ophelia, right?
With the nasty revelation that I don't have as much free time as I thought I had, my read for this week ends here at chapter 5. Regardless of the Story Club, however, I'll keep on reading as much as I can - this is a well-written story, better than I can ever write, and the story is intriguing enough for me to continue on, especially the mastermind at the end of Chapter 5. 'Distant kin' could be a powerful meaning in a story about intersecting races.
...Am I the only one who is reminded of Miyazaki's Princess Mononoke? *kyaa!shot* Especially when the Divine One and Roku are introduced. The traditional setting and the fantasy, animal themes give a similar imagery in my head that really keep me going.
My favourite character has to be the Divine One. Other than everyone's love for comedy and light-hearted fluff being handed out like candy by Kana and Toru, the Divine One is the most mysterious to me and, in my eyes, is the character who represents the fantasy aspect of this story the most.
| TheBloodEdge chapter 3 . 12/29/2013
Hm, while I commend you on executing Kana's punishment excellently, I can't help but feel that everyone's reactions toward him feel weird. I'd still expect them to be irked having to work with with a murderer. I mean, 162 people isn't a small number, and eleven of those are their comrades. But, they became chummy towards him unrealistically fast.
How shall I say, I'd rather Pack 17 be a little uncomfortable with having to be close to him.
Exposition-wise, you're dropping info bit by bit as the story goes, and that's good. It's hard to wrap one's head around at the start, but as things go, it gets better and better.
Question but, what's with the scene divisions? Last chapter, you used x but now you have line breaks. I think it's best to be consistent with the chapter divisions.