Reviews for EVIL
C. Auguste Dupin chapter 1 . 2/25/2013
Overall a good piece, you demonstrate good flow, and your word choice creates good imagery. I was really enjoying reading this piece, but you started to lose me near the end, and I even read it over a couple of times. At first I couldn't pin-point where it was that you started to lose me but then as I was looking it over again I realized that when you put the parenthesis in you changed the flow of the piece, without a break in the writing or an explaination. Normally, as a rule, I personally won't use parenthesis unless it's at the begining or end of a piece. I'll use them in the begining to emphasise a theme or an idea I want my reader to carry with them throughout the piece, something that is distict and possibly different from the rest of it, or something that sets the pace for the whole piece. At the end I will use them only to reiterate or state something I want to resonate with my reader, a powerful statement that sums up the piece, or a concept which may not have been clear throughout but that I wanted to make clear. In both cases I only ever use them as single lines and what is contained within them still follows the same format as the rest of the piece so as to carry with it a sense of consitency which doesn't alienate it from the rest of the piece. With how you use it your piece starts to become muddled, you lose the formatting that you engrained with the begining, you change your pace, and you seem to stuff all the content you want to say in a much different way than you had been stating everything else, as if you just jammed it all together in a container much too small to contain all of it, so something spills out and gets lost. What I would suggest would be to take out the parenthesis, look at your phrasing, wording, and the content from the parenthesis on. Go from the begining of your piece, count your syllables and take a close examination of the flow you establish in this piece, then go back to your content in the end and restate it in a more consitent way. Remember freestyle is still a style and still holds true to the basics of poetry in it's format, flow, and pace. Just because it's not held to specific syllable counts, rhyming, meters, ect... doesn't mean it doesn't have it's own kind of structure, it's just not one easily described, that's what makes it so freeing. Ovall all a very enjoyable piece, hope to read more soon. Thanks for sharing, I wish you the best in all of your endeavors, Dupin.