|Reviews for Shakuhachi: Tales of Wanderers|
| 360pages chapter 1 . 2/17/2015
Sadly a lot of readers lack patience to get to the second chapter of a story, so now even more than ever you need to start with a bang to get someone interested. Or at least start off with an interesting event that lends itself to attention. I personally prefer slower starts myself though.
| Y. S. Wong chapter 1 . 2/8/2014
It took a while for the action to really get started. There's nothing really wrong with it, per se, but the first third or so of this chapter was rather telly, which slowed down the pace of the story. Especially with Internetz stories, you may want to consider an opening that is more action-oriented in order to catch readers' attentions. In short, I think you could make your hook stronger by streamlining it a little bit and cutting the fat.
I like Ayaka's character. But, well, I'm a sucker for the cold and mysterious types.
Dat yuri. I'm gonna be recommending this story to the yuriites on the forum.
To be honest, the setting kinda confuses me. It's the modern era and there's modern technology, but everything politically and culturally is from the feudal era? Confusing. Might pay off to do some world-building down the line. Not necessarily this chapter.
Of course bandits. Well, this was the part of the story when the action/pace started to pick up, and I think your writing came out better for it. I like.
For the most part, you did a great job setting the mood of this story. I could really feel it. Every once in a while you stumbled through your prose for a spell, but you never lost that prevailing mood of mystery and nostalgia associated with feudal Japan.
| cud-b-better chapter 1 . 1/18/2014
A nice blood filled ending to the chapter. Bandits being bandits got what was coming to them. Although I guess now they are going to want to get revenge and Ayaka is going to have to deal with them or something like that.
| Miles Montgomery chapter 1 . 12/6/2013
Wow. Excellent first chapter. Not the way I would have ended the chapter. Cliffhangers are usually awesome but expecting great things from this story.
| xxxyx chapter 1 . 11/6/2013
As poetic as always, I see. And first person POV of course, fits your thoughtful, introverted style best.
Last names... interesting. Anyway, you asserted the setting very well. Kudos. Grey and orange. Scary.
Violent confrontation indeed. Tense. The contrast between the struggle and the peaceful start was abrupt.
It was a really good start. Do you plan on continuing? :)
| Unweighted Book Author chapter 1 . 10/15/2013
I would have liked the setting to be elaborated more in the opening chapter, but I understand that you want to advance the plot and establish your characters first. Still, I was feeling a little unsettled throughout the chapter because this is clearly a medieval type setting, but you also mention incongruous items like videos. The summary helps to alleviate that, but I don't think it's a good idea to rely completely on the summary. Just be aware that your readers might feel this way.
On the plus side, the characters are realistic, not annoying (more of a plus point than you might think), and you've already done a good job of prioritizing them in what seems to be a character-driven story. Both of your lead characters are fairly headstrong, and while this creates the opportunity for good chemistry between them, take care to differentiate them; you might run into problems if they are too similar to each other. The difficulty really starts from here, so do your best.
| roxy chapter 1 . 6/17/2013
this is so awesome and full of action. i loved this story, so i hope that you update it soon, or in general. i really like chiha's character, and i can't wait to learn more about her as the time progresses in this story.
| Revamp chapter 1 . 5/3/2013
My one critique for this story is that the settings and backdrops of the story lack enough description. I can picture your characters perfectly but your backgrounds are blurred in my imagination.
Other than that, I have nothing but compliments for this story. Your characters are beautifully drscribed and defined. They have wonderful, distinctive personalities and looks.
I like how you contrast the personalities of Ayaka and ChiHaya and make an interesting relationship develop between them. You develop nice mysterieswith Ayaka's scars and I love her sense of enamor with nature. I as a nature lover identify with that in her.
You had nice susense and action at the end. I was on the edge of my seat with wondering what was going to happen next and I feared for Chihaya and her mother.
Your characterization is wonderful, dialogue plausible and realistic, and your characters are wonderful. This story is wonderful, definite favorite of mine and it deserves more reviews than just mine. Your writing is very descriptive and beautiful.
My apologies for any errors in this review. I'm doing this from my cell.