|Reviews for Swallowed In the Sea|
| ZoeysZone chapter 10 . 11/16/2013
| ZoeysZone chapter 6 . 11/16/2013
Mmhm :I . Zane, interesting...
| Elanor Crumwell chapter 7 . 10/28/2013
Intriguing, I can't wait to find out more about her. The golden blood is interesting, I can't wait till you update again.
| Elanor Crumwell chapter 4 . 10/18/2013
More insight to the story, and her background. I'm intrigued as to what happens next.
| Elanor Crumwell chapter 3 . 10/14/2013
I liked the description of the crew, and the ship. Oooo a quest, always a good thing. I look forward to your next chapter.
| currently inactive chapter 6 . 5/27/2013
I love this chapter! Kat is a great character, and her interaction with Danyca is great. They will probably become better friends in the future. This chapter seemed to highlight her (Danyca's) distrust in James as the two talk about him- I wonder how that will turn out in the future.
It's sad what happens to the groupers! It's interesting that The Alliance is the reason they hate the pirates. I guess it's a valid reason, though. I wonder what is happening with Sam's family now- something of the sort or not?
Great chapter, once again!
| laloga chapter 1 . 5/22/2013
Great beginning! I'm intrigued by the MC's plight and really liked the intro - it felt fresh and inventive. Loved how you drew out her realizations and impressions; it felt like I was right there with her.
| JustJazzyD chapter 3 . 5/22/2013
I'm a slacker too I suppose for failing to review this sooner. It totally slipped my mind. Anyway- I really enjoyed the Prologue. It was abstractly descriptive. AP wrote that it was very "vivid, obvious, and factual". I agree with him on that. I totally got the sense that I was there on the driftwood with "Goldie" (I'm only in ch.3 so I'll call her that for now).
I'm going to be honest with you, this story really isn't my cup of tea so far. I started losing interest faster and faster the deeper I went in and started to skim. Parts of your details did confuse me. The scene with James looking out his window threw me for a loop with the setting. It think it would have helped if the island names were written with capitals like Golden City and Emerald City. I felt like if he looked in a new direction he would see a new place. Also is the current city a floating island? Maybe I was just reading too much into it but I was getting the sense that it moved.
The interactions with Sam and his family seem too in depth and too drawn out to me. I was intrigued in the beginning with the descriptions of the fish people; I like their different colored skin and hair. I even like the way they talk. In my head I imagined a sort of Irish accent based on where you put the apostrophes. Yet, I found that it was tedious to keep reading their dialect. It got to the point that I just skimmed over that as well. However, the whole "Are you ok?" questions that kept going on and the whole "braiding of Goldie's hair" seemed too much. I felt some paragraphs could have been cut out and I still would have got the gist: Sam helped save her and took her to his house where his family kind of took her in. While you don't want to be too concise in your descriptions, you don't want to do overkill. This is something I struggle with myself. I felt as if this was a bit overkill.
Like I said, this wasn't my cup of tea so far. I'm sure the story will get better once James starts to put his plan into effect to try to steal Goldie. You're great at descriptions, just make sure your descriptions don't overload your plot and prevent it from moving forward at a quick enough pace. For me, it's too slow.
Great job on winning the April contest. I really enjoyed your entry "An Angel with No Wing" That was right up my alley, so much that I voted for it! :-D
| AnonymousPen chapter 4 . 5/21/2013
Okay, sorry for how long it took to review, but I had a lot of school work, and other hindrances. Be that as it may, I am finally reviewing and I hope it is to your satisfaction. :)
So first off, I'd like to address the setting, your setting is extremely intriguing. Not only do you describe it vividly, but you make it feel very obvious and factual. And I appreciate that as a reader, makes it easy to follow.
If there's any con to this it's that some times it takes me away from the dialogue, but this is very minor.
The next thing is the plot, I'm not gonna lie, I was having trouble keeping my attention with this story, again not a bad thing, but it does seem like it is being drawn out. However, I'm only on the 4th part of your story, and really only the 3rd Chapter, so I'm sure the story has picked up since then. :)
However, the plots that did catch me kept my attention and kept me more than interested. So I AM ENJOYING it. Greatly. :)
Lastly I think it's important to talk about the characters. Honestly, these characters are really cool., specifically James. I greatly enjoy reading him throughout the story.
All in all, you're doing a wonderful job. Much better than me haha, but your writing is phenomenal, it's easy to read and follow. All of the 'cons', which not only are petty and minor, but very few, are based on preference. My preference differs from others. As I said, I'm actually enjoying it greatly. :)
Keep up the fantastic work!
PS: Coldplay is amazing, and even though I am male, I greatly, greatly enjoy Avril Lavigne. The way you use music in your story is greatly evident in your writing, and that is AMAZING.
| Aureus Lux chapter 5 . 5/12/2013
This story- this WORLD- that you've created is unlike any that I've seen before. I find it amusing how you took the historical element of pirates, similar to our world's history, and wove them into a new realm. In an earlier chapter, you also mentioned zippers being new, along with new styles of under garments, and I also find that very creative. I find it funny how you like to incorporate different languages into the text, like me (my username means "Golden Glow" in Latin)... I'm gonna follow this story now.
| Mandy Tyler chapter 11 . 5/9/2013
I still enjoy the world you've created. There's enough room for a dozen spin offs. The chemistry, as always, between James and Danyca (whether arguing/ fighting/ or both, just drips off the pages. (Screen?)) The only critique I could have at this point (and one you've mentioned alot in your A/N) is the length of the chapters. There is alot to digest and at certain times hey become tiring to read. Also your transitions between scenes is sometimes awkward. I know inspiration can take over and the story begins to write itself but I think many of your chapters could be shorter and would help your story flow more smoothly. Also in your last A/N you don't need to explain your characters, just write them as you see them, if they are fully developed they will ake care of themselves and answer any reader's concerns. Finally, I know every writer has a dozen stories fighting it out inside their head to be written but don't delay or abandon a story this far along. It's a diservice to your readers whom you want to follow along. I've had too many stories I get into on this site only to have the author suddenly loose interest or become bored. I know real life intrudes but try to keep a regular schedule of updated chapters.
| DeaD-VoRTeX chapter 7 . 5/3/2013
"...The ripe age of 35." Well, excuse me! Dreizehn happens to be 35, I shall have you know. X'D
I hope you don't mind, but I'm reviewing this in two halves, since I'm at school and lunch is about to end. I got up to the break after James and Gideon's conversation.
Hmm, Vincent... He seems greasy. I'm not sure I like him that much - my bet is that he's gonna pose some kind of problem later on, such as a betrayal. That's just my guess, though.
I'm looking forward to meeting James and Kat's grandmother - I'll read the rest later on. Sorry it's been a while, but I plan to get back on track with my reading from now on.
| Jalux chapter 1 . 4/30/2013
Interesting prologue to say the least.
It's simple but what makes it good is that you describe everything this nameless girl is feeling and that makes this prologue a great opening hook in my opinion because the reader is unsure of where she is, how she ended up where she is and where will she go. It keeps a feeling of suspense going throughout the chapter which I think is a great thing. Other then that, not much else to say.
Consider this followed.
| currently inactive chapter 5 . 4/28/2013
Sorry I haven't read in a while! I'm glad I've started to read it again because this chapter was excellent! I only found one or two repetition issues, but they were easy to deal with because of the wonderful content. I like how Danyca is trying to hide some sort of hidden feelings for James, as if they may come out later. I think she'll end up falling in love with him definitely.
If I haven't said before, I really love the character of James. He's well written and seems to talk to Danyca for the sake of doing so, of course, until he tells her he thinks that she's a princess. When he was telling her the story, I could predict that he would think she is. Of course, her beauty as described in other chapters, specifically her golden hair (Goldie, haha) is easily connected with this one.
I didn't expect the ship to be flying, and the part with the railing was an excellent touch. Overall, I really fell in love with this chapter!
I'll read the next chapter soon!
| PrefersFiction chapter 10 . 4/25/2013
I'm really glad the story plot has started to roll. I'm excited for their no doubt long journey.
Just wondering how James seems to know Danyca or at least knew about her before he found her, are we going to find out soon? Looking forward to the next chapter!