Reviews for Rambling In The Winter
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 3/18/2013
Very strong detail in your opening here. I loved: “The white of the pristine frosted glass” I liked how white/frosted/pristine mimicked each other. I didn’t really care for “They were yours as you have it” I think it would work better as a separate section after grass – its own stanza – because I think it works as a standalone and doesn’t mess with the rest of the section. Or, I would suggest putting it after “Night” i.e. “They were yours/Clear and dark against the…”

You start this next section off with a question: “And what was I to know?” but I feel like it contracts what you’ve already said. The narrator has uncovered the footprints but then you move onto waking to find that they were gone. The transition wasn’t smooth here.

The following section in italics is very nice. It gives it a jumbled, hurried, frenzied feeling which I like – both the structure and the italics help that. “Elope with death” although I love that metaphor, I don’t know if it fits with the overall mood that you’ve already established in the piece.

I really liked the finality of your conclusion. I like that the narrator knows and shows that they will never be with this person again. It has a really convincing vein of truth and honesty to it. A lot of writers would have explored the opposite angle, but I think you did well here. I’m not sure I like: “I hope death was worth death for you” I like the metaphor, but again, I’m not sure that it matches the overall tone of the piece. Keep up the good work.

Much love,
Mylilblackpen chapter 1 . 3/11/2013
This is such a heartbreaking piece that I think I may need stitches! I like the italics, they make me think that this is a person eulogy or letter of some sort that the speaker has written to his/her love. I also love the detailed imagery, particularly the references to dancing with death because I could just picture it. I did like the last two lines, I don't know why but it made me think of a six year old girl not being able to dance with the person she has a crush on because he's no longer around, like I said no idea where that came from. Great piece!
tolerate chapter 1 . 3/1/2013
I love the line: "I hope Death was worth death for you." The imagery that appeared inside my head was a couple dancing in the snow and slowly the snow consumes her and she's taking someone else's hand. And the other girl is dancing alone in the snow still waiting for her. In other words, I like the poem!
Fakety Mcfakename chapter 1 . 3/1/2013
I came into this cautious, as i usually am with works with "rambling" in the title.
This was pretty amazing. the structure changes always registered with me, in that i could feel the emotion. sometimes the phrasing seemed a little odd, like two lines should have been one, but otherwise it worked great. the word choice was epic, the thought of waltzing with the reaper was right in my head.