|Reviews for Vicarious|
| augmentedDREAMS chapter 1 . 11/12/2013
Wow. I hope you continue. This was really cool. I can't wait to read more. :)
| whatthegreencarrot chapter 1 . 5/3/2013
Your first paragraph is long. Like, really, really long. That usually puts me straight off of a story, and character descriptions at the beginning of the story are something I like to avoid. In fact, I kind of dislike full-on main character descriptions in general; you don't tell them, you show them, and what you can't show will be slipped in later. Same thing with the "I spend at least ten minutes on my hair" thing; you can drop that in later.
I'm about halfway done with this chapter—congrats on the excellent grammar and punctuation, by the way—and I haven't seen very much dialogue. Only that little squabble with her mother, and now the "Is anyone there?" thing. I read partway through your other story, too, and it seems like you don't use very much dialogue. I'm a pretty big fan of dialogue, as you might have seen in my stories, and I think there are a lot of other people out there who like it, too. Just a suggestion :3
[She has a long, sculpted nose, full red lips] In the "red lips" portion, does that mean that she's wearing lipstick? Because, you know, I'd kind of be worried if I saw a person with lips that were bright red. Without the aid of lipstick, I mean.
Eep, really? I actually kind of like the names Damon and Charlotte... LOLZ. Bad judgement on my part, I guess, but I'm in love with Damon from the Vampire Diaries (and, like, every other guy from TVD), so I'm saying that Damon's name is fine, at least.
[And since you refuse to tell me and insist on keeping you god-da-darn—" I sputter out that last word because, even though I'm mad as heck] Oh, dear. She seems so much nicer than me; I swear like a sailor, and I honestly don't consider damn a swear word anymore. I used to, but when there are bigger words out there, it sort of fades into the wallpaper of words.
| faith.collapsingx chapter 1 . 3/2/2013
I'm really looking forward to read on. I can't wait to see what sort of adventures (or misadventures) Darcy gets sucked into.