|Reviews for The last ballad of Edwin St Edwards|
| Jalux chapter 1 . 3/1/2013
Thought this was quite well done.
I liked the descriptive language you used like
[dazzled by the honey-colored hues of the stained glass shimmering above their heads]
it really brought the story and characters to life. I also thought with just under a thousand words you really gave us some decent insight into both characters.
I did feel you could give us some more exposition though, some more backstory for the characters perhaps or maybe more on the brother. It just felt a little confusing at times.
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 3/1/2013
Really chilling. I love - as usual - many of your descriptive phrases. "Her voice broke the silence like a cracked eggshell." And the passage that you put in the summary in particular; both very vivid and effective in both setting the mood and getting a strong, memorable image across.
I also like the build up of tension towards the end. The dialogue got a little confusing, where sometimes I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be the 'voice' of Edwin or Tom when I started the dialogue out, but by the time we hit the final line (with no speaker tag to identify it), I feel like that confusion is intentional and quite effective. Definitely leaves the reader with an eerie hook, so I found that very effective.
A few technical/grammar issues I spotted along the way:
[... and when she retrieved her leather bond book from the floor...] - *bound (not bond) - I'm also pretty sure it should be 'leather-bound' but I'm not as positive about that.
["Little goose. Such folly," she knew he meant her trembling hands.] Period after 'folly' and capitalize the 's' in 'she' because what follows the dialogue here isn't a speaker tag, it's just a sentence.
["There is nothing 'neath your bed." She head again.] *heard
Really, though, all and all I enjoyed it a lot. Very well done.