Reviews for Domanashi Chronicles Book One: The Sealed Temple
Carson Numetzky chapter 2 . 7/2/2013
Now we get into the action of the story! The only suggestion I would give you is to use italics instead of brackets for when the narrator is talking in their mind. Besides that the story flows well and the action is well written. Good chapter.
Carson Numetzky chapter 1 . 7/2/2013
Very interesting premise! This story seems to have a great back story and the plot so far is very intriguing. The prologue is great because you reveal just enough information to keep the reader wanting more, but the story is not too vague. I am going to keep reading more!
Heartlessly Awesome chapter 1 . 4/16/2013
That was really interesting! Question, are those Japanese names? I'm pretty sure they are XD anyway, good job! Keep the good work! :D
Yelena P chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
I think this was a great way to start off your story! You didn't give too much information away, but you also managed to keep my attention gripped to the writing. That's actually something that some authors *cough* myself *cough* have trouble with, so congrats! :) I'm going to continue reading this, but I just wanted to write a review to let you know I checked it out! :D
CashlinSnow chapter 1 . 4/10/2013
First, I was at the doctor's when I was reading this first chapter. I had my pulse taken and the nurse told me it was a little high... maybe because I was intense on this story hmm ... What's going on so far is engaging because you don't reveal anything. You're showing the reader what's going on just as it's happening. So because I don't know what's really going on, I want to find out. But, this first chapter was a little hard to read because I can't help but note punctuation and grammar as I read. You consistently switched tenses, some in mid-sentence, and forgot some punctuation in certain sentences too. Besides that, I'll be reading more for sure!
LittleDynamite chapter 5 . 4/6/2013
I like the first few chapters. I think your plot flows wonderfully and consistently throughout the beginning. Keepup the the nice work.
agentkirb chapter 38 . 4/3/2013
It seems like you finally were able to complete the story. I think the only negative thing I can say about it is that it would get a little heavy with dialogue sometimes, but everything else was good. And I really like how all the plot elements came together in the end and it was more complicated than "good triumphs over evil".
agentkirb chapter 11 . 3/4/2013
Oh hey, I notice you cleaned a lot of stuff up and added in a prologue. I think it really adds a lot to the plot. And when certain plot twists happen in the story you are like "oh... thats what they meant by that".