|Reviews for The Beast and the Hunter|
| JWT chapter 9 . 3/29/2013
I particularly enjoyed that paragraph near the end, beginning "I'm panting, the tears are back". I can really feel Ollie's anger and you have done a marvelous job of getting across her defiant nature with her refusal to sit down. It's little touches like that that build up a character and give them true depth.
The only mistake that struck me was the sentance, "Wait…if I were this woman, where would I keep something I wouldn't want anyone, especially someone as lovely as Mrs. Blake, to find it, then where would I hide it?" You do not need the "it" after "lovely as Mrs Blake, to find" and it might sound better to split it into two sentances: "...to find? Where would I hide it?"
I'm really hoping Gwen will be introduced soon as I expect that might shed even more light on Ollie's past. Looking forward to the next chapter :)
| SinsofMidnight chapter 6 . 3/25/2013
...Terry's not the only one with a relatively poor opinion of the opposite sex...
I like that he intervened, but I didn't like that he got chewed out for it...
It sounds like the game is changing on him... or, more like his species...
Can't wait to read more of this.
| SinsofMidnight chapter 5 . 3/25/2013
It's a very mysterious chapter in a way.
My favorite part was her paranoia about the pancakes...
But she saw Nora's "rotting and decomposing corpse"? That's a little extreme for the child she must have been...!
| SinsofMidnight chapter 4 . 3/25/2013
Oooo! Hidden and/or forgotten pasts! I love those.
The way you've written Terry is so relatable! Your prose is immersive :)
| SinsofMidnight chapter 3 . 3/25/2013
Poor Ollie. Nothing seems to be making sense with her memories...
She seems to be having a bit of a mental break, and you wrote it very well :) Looking forward to the next chapter!
| SinsofMidnight chapter 2 . 3/25/2013
I like that Terry is also a relatable character... even if he's from a different world than I am. He cares too much, the exact foil to off-set Ollie.
I've no complaints about this chapter. It flowed well and I could follow his emotions well.
| SinsofMidnight chapter 1 . 3/25/2013
I like Ollie. She's got snark and she doesn't let people walk all over her... I think I'm gonna like this story.
One thing that kinda bugged me as I read: you consistently use are as a contraction... "Things're" for example... Is that intentional, to add some sort of flavor to the piece?
| JWT chapter 4 . 3/16/2013
Well that added a whole other confusing (in a good way!) dimension to Terry's story.
Just a couple of minor things:
"I close my violin case, curl my hand through the handle, and lift the case." Possibly rework this sentance, even as simply as changing "lift the case" to "lift it" - simply because using the same word close together like that can briefly lower the sophisticated tone of your writing.
Similarly, you could change "bowstrings" to just "bow".
In the argument at the beginning you might want to add a little description around the text such as how the two are standing - if they're nose to nose, or either side of a room yelling it out, that sort of thing - to give us a more solid image of the scene. Of course the speech itself is the important thing there and you don't want to slow down the pace of the argument, but just a suggestion.
Keep going, I'm really enjoying this :)
| 9816 chapter 1 . 3/14/2013
Damn. That's detailed. Me gusta :D
| JWT chapter 2 . 3/9/2013
You have created two very deep characters here, both completely different but equally interesting to read about. I love Ollie's hardened, bitter attitude and I really want to find out more about this 'murder'.
And Terry - a violinist! I may well have fallen in love with him as soon as I knew he was holding a violin...
But aside from my bias towards violinists, you have done a marvelous job of changing the tone of your writing in each chapter so that the reader truly gets two voices. A lot of the time people head the chapter with a different name but the tone is pretty much the same, so well done on really knowing your characters' voices.
I only noticed one typo - 'truck' instead of 'trunk' in the first chapter when Ollie gets her bags out the car. Also in chapter one, when Ollie has just reached the house and is having her little panic, you wrote "can't be here, can't can't deal with this". I wasn't sure if the double "can't" was a sort of stutter in her thoughts (which would be perfectly fine but perhaps add a comma - "can't be here, can't, can't deal with this") or an error. Just thought I'd point it out in case it was mistake.
Keep writing and I hope you update soon :)