|Reviews for Heroes of Kreen|
| Watercatcher7984 chapter 2 . 3/18/2013
I think that this is definitely a promising start. I'd love to read more.
| burlap chapter 1 . 3/8/2013
Hello there! I really liked the history you gave at the beginning of this; it was a nice way to open up the whole story. I do think, however, that you could benefit from giving some more description in the second half-what was the weather like? What did the screams sound like? What kind of light did the torches give off? Was she afraid?
I also caught a couple of grammatical errors:
"At the end the people" -there should be a comma between "end" and "the people".
"So one war followed the next" -personally, I believe that this would sound better without the "so" at the beginning; with it, it makes it sound nonchalant and kind of passes the numerous wars off like they were no big deal.
" sheltered in the rain." -maybe instead of "in", it should be "from".
" was no answer the men started" -there should be a comma between "answer" and "the".
"away the soon-to-be slaves away" -one of the "away"s should be taken out; either one will suffice.
"your parents," she nodded, "what's your name little one?"" -a few things with this one: First, a question mark instead of a comma should have been used after "parents". Next, "she" should be capitalized as it follows the dialogue, but isn't a "he said/she said". Thirdly, the comma after "nodded" should have been a period. Finally, the "w" in "what's" should have been capitalized, too, as it's the beginning of a new sentence dialogue-wise.
""Nera." The man picked her" -"the man" and everything that follows should be a new paragraph, or you could start the new paragraph at "You're my daughter now", since the two bits of dialogue are from different speakers.