Reviews for Bad music, bad boys and bad decisions - MM Slash!
Lapari Caprise chapter 3 . 3/10/2013

So I read the first three chapters of this story. The concept is good. I like the concept. (I also like the music video, haha...) Okay, I want to be honest and helpful, and also convey how much I enjoy this. Hope I don't sound mean or anything, here goes:

Okay. I like how the story's going so far. It's not the most original plot in the world, but I suppose there's only so much one can do with romance such as this one. It's got cute bits, it's got typical high school scenarios. The plot is good and I like your vocabulary, but I feel like you've attempted to cram too many things into each chapter. I feel as if you could have spread the main points out a bit, and stretched these first three chapters into a couple more, double it, even. I also feel like there's a slight lack of Tyler's personal feelings, and that it moves too quickly from one thing to the next. Maybe that's just me, but I feel that you could explain more of how he's feeling, how he reacts to what's going on around him. It's difficult to do that, because you go by your daily lives feeling all these spontaneous little emotions that disappear so quickly that sometimes it goes by unnoticed, so putting it into words is weird.

Hehe. I like your third chapter.

Also, please add the appropriate commas and periods at the end of speech. It's bothering me a little.
But great job on the story! It makes me want to read more.
31 | « Prev Page 1 .. 3