|Reviews for Synopsis (Abandoned)|
| CheeseloverTwentyFive chapter 1 . 8/7/2013
Order and Chaos - Qui Iudicant:
I am in awe of your writing!
This idea, is completely original and extremelt creative!
I wonder to myself-how does one come up with this sort of thing?
It's fascinating how you took the U.N and global issues and war ideas and spread it over the whole solar system.
This is a really interesting plot!
Can't wait to read more!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 7/11/2013
It’s clear that you have put a lot of thought into this, and you have the basics for an interesting story. I say basics because, well, as a prologue I don’t think this works. It’s a lot of information for a new reader to take in, and some might easily be daunted by the length of the paragraphs and the use of terminology. A lot of what you have here feels like an info-dump, and much of it is stuff readers will forget as they click onto the next chapter or, worse, the next story. You want something that will really hook your reader in. My suggestion would be to keep this for your own personal notes, or even as a separate piece all together for anyone to read if they’re interested. Don’t make everything here crucial to the story, and any bits that are crucial for us to know, weave it into the plot. Sci-fi isn’t a strong area of mine, but I’ve read a fair few fantasy and dystopian/post-apocalyptic fiction that would need the same level of thought that you have here. In them, you don’t have the whole world or its past told at the start. You learn it as you read, through the characters or through the world around them. Just something to consider. Good luck.
| Svfn chapter 1 . 6/18/2013
There is a lot of information here. Information that could be revealed gradually as plot dictates within the story if you desired to take that route. There is a deep history here that may lose some readers if not directed into a plot right away.
I am fond of the universe you have created and am left wanting to know more about these aliens and super humans. Do continue writing. I think you have a good idea here.
One little thing I noticed: Immediately after the Resignations, the R.F. declared war upon the C/A.C and the first of the Interplanetary Wars began on (in the year/ in) 3501 A.D. The U.N tried to negotiate with both sides, but was seen by either side as forming an alliance with the other, and was declared war upon instead. The U.N. had no choice but to fight for survival.
Other than that I would just watch your tenses. Good job. :)
| ZenaraTheDragon chapter 3 . 6/13/2013
Ooh. Fascinating. I do wonder what's going on with Tiberius. (XD So much Star Trek reference!)
| ZenaraTheDragon chapter 2 . 6/13/2013
Tiberius Kirke... Ha. So many Trek references here... XD
| ZenaraTheDragon chapter 1 . 6/13/2013
O.o A fascinating history... Very believable, from how humans behave even on Earth... Nice! Imma keep reading now XD
| Shay Zana chapter 3 . 6/7/2013
Great chapter, I love the way you have portrayed this Thomas Kirke (btw was that name inspired by James T Kirk? XD) He reminds me a lot of one of my own characters, which has made me connect with him.
I also love the spaced out exposition, not too much at once which is where I fail, and I enjoyed the beautifully described space scenery _
| AnabellaHunter13 chapter 3 . 6/4/2013
Another fantastic chapter! I'm so excited to get more details on the developing plot! Keep up the good work, and publish the next chapter soon!
| AnabellaHunter13 chapter 2 . 6/2/2013
Well, Tiberius. I don't recommend Vegas...
Again, wonderfully written chapter! I didn't see an errors this time (and it would be like me to have been mistaken the first time!)
Good lord, I think I have the poorest vocabulary of anybody on FictionPress, geez, I understand all those words, but I would never think to use them when writing! Which isn't your fault. Point being, I love everything from head to toe about your story. PUBLISH MORE SOON -_- (- this is my I'm watching you/waiting face!) :)))
| AnabellaHunter13 chapter 1 . 6/2/2013
Oh. My. God. That was spectacular. This was extraordinary, and actually seems like it could happen! (something that makes a science-fiction work, a true science-fiction work. I mean you can CALLEE it science-fiction... Ah forget it... that's beside the point) the point is, it is wonderful and spectacular, and fan-frickin-tastic! Minor, minor, (I cannot stress this enough) MINOR grammatical errors, but that can be ignored from the sheer awesomeness of your writing! Can't wait for more!
| revellyrobinson chapter 2 . 5/27/2013
Wow, this is great! It has all the elements if good story telling and action. I love the references to modern history and how it parallels the events of our time. Keep up the good work!
| Th' Tolimnes Davin chapter 2 . 5/26/2013
Gosh, poor Tiberius (love the name by the way, lol). Poor guy sounds like he's had a tough life, and now he's been forced into the military? Well, once again you've provided an awesome background. All these details really help bring the world alive, I love it. I can't wait to read more :)
| Th' Tolimnes Davin chapter 1 . 5/26/2013
Wow, you really did put a lot of thought into the story, very awesome. I really like all of the background you have here. It gives a real good setup for the story. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens :)
By the way, sorry I didn't get this review in last night. I read it last night, but I was having so many problems with the internet that it took forever, and I was still having trouble keeping connection. Seems to be working now, luckily, so I'm going to go on to the next chapter.
| JCScannell chapter 2 . 5/20/2013
Oh wow, that was really neat! I can't wait to see how it takes off! And I think your writing is getting better too.
| Shay Zana chapter 2 . 5/20/2013
This is what I call real hearty sci-fi. I love the political introduction, it sets up an elaborate background. I'm looking forward to reading more dialogue, and I hope you update soon.
Also, please check out my sci-fi, Dimension. I would greatly appreciate any feedback and support :)