|Reviews for No Way Out|
| Alaeryel chapter 1 . 4/15/2013
GOOD LORD OF MERCY Nary-I WANT MORE OF THIS STORY! What a BRILLIANT AND AMAZING story and plot! I was BLOWN AWAY with this chapter and especially the end when 'he decided he had to protect the girl from his Queen! I AM SPEECHLESS!
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/11/2013
This is a great beginning. I really like it
| The Lady Bard chapter 1 . 3/10/2013
It reminds me of Beauty and the Beast, Rapunzel, and another fairy tale. But which one? Maybe a little bit of Snow White.
I thought it was interesting how the Witch started out almost like the a good witch, she took a kingdom of selfish, greedy people, ruled by the selfish, greedy king and removed them from the world. And then she enslaved half the population and terrorised the other half. There were a couple of things that bothered me:
1. It says the witch left the kingdom before she transformed back into her natural (gorgeous) form, but it then goes on to say the witch was the beautiful woman the king had ever seen - you might want to change that bit.
2. Also, why not just send her vampire minions to kill the entire royal blood line? Are your vampires not strong and vicious creatures capable of slaughtering an army in moments? You might want to describe what sort of vampires we're dealing with.
3. Ties in with point 2: they have the princess locked up tight. How did the vampire find her, even if he is a loyal servant to the witch? There is a wall, and a tower, and I assumed there were people in the palace, but I'm not sure. What about the guards and servants?
I love the old fairy tales being rewritten, every one adds a different twist, and I always enjoy reading them. But. I think the writing could use some work, it was just. Quite bland. In my opinion, which you can ignore, I just. I like to be honest when I review. I did think the writing itself needed something. This feels not helpful, but I can't quite figure out what was missing - oomph, maybe? Emotion? Feeling? Punch? All I know is that it didn't really hook me, draw me in, make me want to keep reading.
Try doing some research on writing techniques, there are a lot of articles and tutorials on the web. Also, the Mary-Sue Test, not saying Princess is one but it is a fantastic way to learn more about your characters.
One thing that bothered me is that none of the characters have names yet, which I get, that is a technique used in these stories, especially the prologue/legend part, but maybe the parents of the Princess could have a name? Or the Princess herself? The vampire that decides to protect the Princess? Even the witch - surely she would have a name. It got a bit confusing in there, that's all.
Good luck with it, and I'll keep an eye out for updates.