|Reviews for You Had It All|
| Mylilblackpen chapter 1 . 3/11/2013
God damn that is so powerful that you had me wanting to applaud you for your masterful way with words as well as feel damn right angry about this. I love the brilliant lexical choice as well as the incredibly powerful imagery you used, it's very clever and thought provoking. A beautiful powerful poem which carefully covered a very tricky topic, but masterfully executed. I take my hat off to you.
| True Talker chapter 1 . 3/10/2013
When I read this I want to say that if this has been your experience then I would honestly like to be there for you. Really. And I will also add my version of what happened with me, things were different. I remember my father visiting when I was a small child and he gave each my sister and me a material red snake and a flanel night gown. Yes, Seriously. As to the reason why I am not certain. However he did. I remember there being peanuts on the table that were being eaten. I remember an arguement that had occurred between my father and mother. I remember yelling and my mother going to the phone to call the police and he had stopped her. I don't remember much after that. My mom did have a tendancy to say bad things about my father to us. If it seemed like I showed any concern for my father in any way she would get upset. What did she tell us? She told me that he had wanted to kill me when I was a small child/a baby. Something like that any way. She told me that he would spend all of her money and abuse her. That he would put her down and make fun of her heritage.
I don't even remember this happening. However there was one time my mom stated when my dad had me and my sister with him and it was a small apartment that he was sharing with his girlfriend. My sister was inside with him and they had me sleep on the balcony. (The balcony apparently was more like a fire escape and she mentioned that I was lucky that I didn't fall off. Something like that anyway.) Apparently I had mosquito bites all over me. As prior to being on Warfarin mosquitos had bitten me quite a LOT REALLY. It could have been my blood and the fact that my body would heat up. Really. Since warfarin I don't tend to get mosquito bites.
I remember doing some checking to see if some things that my mother had stated were true. Why? She would exaggerate things at times and I wanted to know for real. Well when I had done the search I was surprised to see that it was true and there was a story in the paper about it too. (In regards to other things. Weapons that were found in the home.)
Do I think that my dad had abused my mom? It is possible. What do I mean? I have noticed in life that some men will abuse if they are not stood up to. Therefore it is possible. Am I calling my mom a liar? NO. What do I mean then? I WASN'T around to see it - that is why I say it is possible.
I remember my dad visiting once and my sister who is 4 years older than I am wanted to go somewhere with him. (This is when I was in elementary school.) What did I do? I went even though I didn't want to. Why did I go? ONLY to protect my sister. SERIOUSLY. When he wanted to hug me did I hug him? Yes. Why? I felt bad for not. What do I mean? I felt that he needed the hug so I did so. Did I feel love from him? I felt weird being around him he was a stranger to me as he had NOT been in my life at all or even communicated with us. REALLY.
What happened afterward? He would call us a few times and after that I DON'T know what had happened.
I do remember a few things feeling bad about him trying to see us when I found out that he had died from Cancer. Why? Because if that was his wish to see us before he had died I FEEL BAD. REALLY.
I was surprised too that my mother gave me a Bible of his and a letter written to me. What do I mean? With all of the hate that she had felt I would've NEVER/NOT ever thought that she would've given it to me. Do I still have them? Yes. They are sitting in on one of the book shelves in the other room and I actually like the letter from him. In fact that is when I got the feeling that he wanted to see us before he died. What happened when I had realized it? I had cried. What do I mean? If I had known that he wanted to see us to make things right before he died I WOULD'VE seen him. SERIOUSLY. I feel bad if that was indeed what he was trying to do.
You see when he came to the door my sister wasn't there and I didn't know him he was a stranger so I didn't see him because I was scared. REALLY. If I had known I would've made myself. Why? Because if he wanted to make things right before he had died - Why would I take that away from him? Really. I would've done that for him. REALLY. SERIOUSLY.
Again, if you would like to talk just let me know. Really.