Reviews for The Syndrome
lookingwest chapter 1 . 5/19/2013
Another cool concept of yours! I want to say I know Rocket from something else...or eh, maybe I only read this when you posted it and never reviewed, haha. At any rate, this felt familiar. It reminds me a lot of those meat puppet places in the Sprawl universe, and since the only thing I've read by Gibson that has the sex worker stuff mentioned in it is Neuromancer, I couldn't help but think of Molly and stuff and that whole process that she underwent. I have to say I was a little confused concerning why Rocket was psychically kidnapped, since I was thinking maybe it was hologram or a type of virtual world, but then I'm thinking maybe it's like it is with Molly, where she's physically there but she isn't mentally there. So maybe that's what it means - he was mentally not there (has to jack in to something maybe) and then he's physically there and gets kidnapped sometimes, haha. Anyway, I think it will become clearer as more chapters continue, too, but I really overall enjoyed the concept, of course!

I like Rocket as a character, he seems to kind of take everything as it comes to him and roll with the punches, and he seems to have a more carefree personality about serious situations, especially considering he was kidnapped. I like how you incorporated little bits of his history in with this - where he's mentioning other people who have kidnapped him, or maybe even other people who he's had intimiate relationships with, like Dion. I think you open up a lot of places to show more development with him and pose just enough questions for it to be interesting and watch the answers unfold as the story progresses. So far, so good, though. And I'm really enjoying this new sci-fi stuff!
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 2 . 3/16/2013
I assume the awkward plot device you're talking about is the power going out, because, yeah, I definitely find that...pretty strange in their high-tech world. I mean, even if the doors do run on electricity, you'd think they'd have some sort of manual override in case of emergencies. Having doors that open *only* on electricity could be really dangerous in all kinds of emergency situations and it just doesn't add up.

You could have some sort of emergency come up, though, that forces the building to go on lock-down. (For instance, a criminal of some sort - from something as low as a petty thief to as dangerous as a gunman - and security locks all the doors to trap the criminal, help locate him/her, and keep innocent civilians from wandering unknowingly into danger...)

Just a thought.

I also thought Bishop's character was oddly...not smooth, for a politician. Like. He wants to be president, and he says a line like, "Is that a poor person thing?" It sounds really, really blunt - very politically incorrect to the point that I have a hard time imagining anyone on his career track saying that even in his most casual of moments.

I do like Rocket's character, though. I found his persistence interesting. I wouldn't think he'd necessarily be that keen on fucking if his client was so determined not to - you'd think Rocket had experienced more than enough sex in his life to the point where if someone is forceful enough about "No, dude, seriously, I'm not interested" he'd take a welcome break and be like, "'Kay, that's cool." But obviously not, lol. Where the blunt attitude in Bishop felt strange, Rocket's bluntness is fun and refreshing.

I'm curious as to how they're going to continue being a part of each other's lives, particularly seeing as how Bishop honestly doesn't seem interested at all. I'm having a little trouble imagining chemistry between them, but perhaps you will prove me wrong. :)

- Moonstar
Faithless Juliet chapter 2 . 3/15/2013
I wonder if NA should be changed to N.A. like L.A... just a thought.

I liked the awkwardness between these two. I think you did a great job at differentiating between the two POV there is a clear divide between Bishop and Rocket and I liked how they contrast with each other. I'm thinking king this will be an opposites attract kind of relationship.

I think I would like a bit more character development here. You give us hints about Rocket but very little about Bishop. He seems kind of abrasive to me. If he's a politician shouldn't he have a bit more smoothness to how he responds to people?

Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 3/15/2013
Wow, what an interesting story so far.

Right off the bat I enjoyed your pacing through this chapter. You transitioned between dialogue and description flawlessly. And the reading was very smooth.

I also liked your character names. This type of story could have been very cliche but I loved that you didn't go that route. I can't wait to see what happens next.

TawneyEverett chapter 1 . 3/15/2013
I enjoyed all the detail you put into to explaining this futuristic world: 'New Angeles' and food pills. The kidnapping was brutal, very well written I could picture everything that was happening. The only thing I would suggest would be more detail in the gram jack and how he gets jerked back to reality. Really great writing!
Zachary Fice chapter 1 . 3/15/2013
I like your characterization of Rocket so far. He seems to be a straight forward guy with a quick tongue who knows how to handle himself. It will be interesting to see how he compares and contrasts with your second main character.

I don't quite understand why Dom would be so hard on him if he is "popular" though. It seems counter-intuitive to running a business. You want to take good care of your best merchandise. I am also confused about why clients would kidnap hookers at random. Abuse and even death seem like they would come with the job, but holding them hostage seems strange to me.

This is an interesting start.
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 3/15/2013
I really like the concept for this. I feel like you build up a pretty good initial sense of this future world. It feels distinctly dystopian-esque, though I don't know if you intend for it to be quite in that range yet or not - at least we're still electing presidents, hah. I enjoyed the snapshots we got of Rocket's character and really look forward to seeing him and Bishop interact - especially if they're, you know, "interacting" *winkwink, nudgenudge - awkward cough* but I'll be fine with whatever. ;P

The only thing I didn't really understand was why Rocket had a 'gram jack in the back of his head in the first place if he'd been kidnapped. I assume that's short for hologram or some such - a virtual reality thing, obviously - but like...what purpose would it serve to hook him up to it? And the way 729 commented on what was going on, I have to wonder if these "'grams" are only immersion for the person hooked up or if outsiders/onlookers can tell what they're watching...? I guess the explanation on what was going on there felt thin to me, that's all, and I wasn't sure what to make of it.

Other than that, though, I enjoyed this, and I look forward to the next chapter. :)

- Moonstar